If the GOP Has Its Way…

Now that Republicans are in charge of the House, the Democrats need to start fear-mongering about them. Here’s some attacks I hear they’re working on to get people good and scared of Republicans:

IF THE GOP HAS ITS WAY…

…not only will there not be abortions, Republicans will put more babies in you.

…NPR will be nothing but Juan Williams expressing fear of Muslims.

…Latinos will be hunted for sport.

…the only book used in science class will be the Bible.

…the ability of the government to help you will be limited by a document written by rich, white racists.

…everyone will get the same health care as horses.

…they’ll tax being poor.

…we’ll declare war on Islam and start by invading Michigan.

…children will be so fat they’ll be legally required to say “Hey hey hey!” before announcing their names.

…they’ll only allow gay marrying if you show competency with a firearm.

…racism against taxes will reach dangerous new levels.

…Obama won’t get a 2nd term which was when he was saving all his competency for.

17 Comments

  1. When teleprompters are outlawed only outlaws will have teleprompters.

    The day time radio will be Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Neal Boortz.

    The entire pmsnbc operation will be moved to Alamagordo, N.M.

  2. …everyone who doesn’t speak english will be deported. Those with accents will be put on a watch list.

    …you will have to eat your meat. If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding!

    …the rich will get to keep more than half of their money! I mean our money!

    …welfare will be cut and you’ll all have to get jobs!

    …they’ll cut medicaid and you wont even be able to afford dog food! Or a can opener!

    …you’ll have to shop at Walmart!

  3. All muslim countries will forthwith be invaded and their oil confiscated for Dick Cheney’s personal fleet.

    Any corporation not flooding their local waterways with sufficient pollution will be fined. Lving wildlife near the premises will be considered proof of a violation.

    All drivers of the following vehicles will be beaten with sticks and forced to attend Protestant Church* services for a month: Prius, Subaru, VW van, any hybrid or alternative fuel vehicle.

    Anyone displaying the “Coexist” sticker on their cars must also show their tolerance by attending Protestant Church* services for two months.

    *Methodists, Lutherans, Episcopalians, and other non-bible-reading denominations will not satisfy this requirement.

    10% of all U.S. nuclear missiles will now target the lunar surface.

    Any citizen referring to himself as a ______-American will be deported to _______.

  4. All non Lutherans will be required to attend Theological Training on the difference between Law and Gospel as taught by Walther!

    Everyone will be required to carry a gun and it better be in plain sight or you will be shot.

    We will nuke an Arab country once every six months, just to make sure our nuclear arsenal is in good working order.

    A flight of 5 F-22 Raptors will be sent to China where they will destroy China’s entire fleet of new fighters in 5 minutes.

    If you announce that you are gay and are serving in the military you will be sent to the front lines immediately to track down and destroy terrorists!

    It shall become mandatory that fat kids get the business from fellow students as to comply with Michelle Obama’s agenda. This means mandatory wedgies, merciless razzing, head dunking in toilets etc.

  5. I WISH we could get medical care as good as our horses get, and at the same prices. My wife says she would much rather have had our vet deliver our kids. Vets have to deliver real value or starve.

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