Invisible Tanks

A British weapons manufacture is working on an invisible tank. This is a great idea. Once we have them, here’s what we do: We announce we’re leaving the Middle East. We’ll be all like, “We have to get out of here. Muslim terrorists are too tough.” So we head away and all the terrorists will be like, “Yay! We defeated the infidels!” But unbeknownst to them we left the country filled with invisible tanks! As soon as the terrorists start celebrating — BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! (that’s the sound of big tank guns).

Our military should keep working on more and more hideable weapons, like mortars disguised as goats and jeeps disguised as rocks and dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them disguised as trees. Then the enemy will never know for certain if America has invaded or not. He could just be paranoid… or he could be surrounded with invisible tanks!

Yeah, invisible tanks could be pretty useful. I’ll have to add that to things that could lead to a peaceful world along with nuking the moon.

19 Comments

  1. Wait, this is the British military, right? Umm…I’m not falling for the whole “invisible tanks” thing. Sounds more like the Brits have a shortage of tanks and want us to believe there are a bunch more we just can’t see.

  2. You are utterly wrong, Frank. Tanks are supposed to be loud and obvious. Haven’t you ever seen a war movie? The faces of the movie’s “soldiers” are frozen in fear as the metallic squeaking of the tank’s tracks comes nearer….nearer….nearer….the noise stops. The “soldiers” listen but all they hear is the engine. BOOM. The next sound they hear, if lucky, will be the tank reloading.

    Leave it to a decaying state to think tanks shouldn’t be anything but loud and obvious.

  3. Marko perhaps they could clank something together to simulate the sound. Something like the coconut halves on “the holy Grail” only more tanky.

    Like Driscolls Jeep in “Hell is for Heroes”?

  4. Here’s Burmashave’s plan for inviso-tanks. Use massive air cover to guard their assembly areas and approach. Move it fast and plan logistics to keep it moving fast. Use tanks and air cover at the spear point to disrupt any RPG attack (pretty much the only threat that invisible armor is useful against).

    Here’s a better challenge for BAE. Build a tank that emits absolutely no heat signature. That’d be cool. And let us not forget that the during the 60’s, the Swedes built a tank without a turret. The main gun was aimed via a complex system of turning the tank and using drive wheel hydralics for elevation. It was not a winning design.

    By the way, if DARPA’s not doing it, it’s prolly not worth spit.

  5. With the M-1 Abrams, I don’t think we want them to be invisible! They are so awesome they make the bad guys wet themselves and call for their mommies wherever they are seen. I think like one Abrams tank wiped out like all of Iraq’s Soviet made tanks within 5 minutes or something. (That had to make the Soviets go like WTF!!!).

    What they should make invisible is Obama! That would make America a much scarier country! An invisible Hillary Clinton would be cool too! I’m not sure how one would cloak such haggishness but it’s worth a try!

  6. Invisible Warthogs, however would be cool! All the enemy would hear would be the sound of jet engines, but they wouldn’t be able to see anything until the front-end gattling gun opens up with awesome death and destruction. We might want to augment the sound of the gun and put giant speakers on the outside of the plane to make the gun sound even more awesome. Of course then we have to figure out how to cloak speakers, but we’ll get er done!

  7. I’d prefer invisible soldiers.

    I’m pretty sure that’s the plastic tank they’re talking about here
    http://forums.canadiancontent.net/international-politics/40591-british-unveil-their-new-plastic.html

    Now I had Tonka trucks when I was a kid. They were steel. They lasted until I left them out in the rain the 4th time. The only part that broke was the plastic windows.
    Now they’re all plastic.
    Sure you can leave them out in the rain, but you can’t play with them the way a 5 year old boy likes to play with trucks.

    I’ll take my tanks metal and loud.

    You know who wants invisible tanks? The French. That way you can’t tell they’re running away.

    The only way I want a plastic, invisible tank is if we sell them to dictators.

    They’ll still cast a shadow as all they’re doing is broadcasting what’s behind them and the dictator’s army will be all “Nyah, nyah, nyah, you can’t see us” and we’ll sent up some flares and blast the shadows coming from nothing.
    That’ll be funny.

  8. I think the Brits need to just develop a better tank in general. The Challenger is no on the same playing field as the M1 series or the Leo II series. I’m wanting to see more of how durable this armor is. What happens to the image capabilities of this specialized armor if say something other than a sabot round hits the hull? Will this new video armor be able to at least take a 7.62 round from a Dragunov and still be able to project the image? If so, can they make T.V’s as well? I’m getting tired of my son breaking my flat screen.

  9. @BigRichard: I think you’re right about the armor. As far as our Abrams goes, it doesn’t matter whether its invisible. Very few weapons — that are not equipped with thermal/radar imaging — are capable of taking an Abrams out, and much the same is true for our Bradley’s. RPG’s are pretty much the only threat (plus remotely detonated IED’s) that inviso-armor would protect against, so now you’d be talking about cloaking HUMV’s, etc. with inviso-armor, but that’s pretty much a non-starter, too because the greatest threat against these vehicles are IED’s.

  10. #14

    “so now you’d be talking about cloaking HUMV’s, etc. with inviso-armor, but that’s pretty much a non-starter, too because the greatest threat against these vehicles are IED’s.”

    That and middle eastern drivers. Two things not in the Middle Eastern Lexicon
    1) Waste Management
    2) Traffic Laws

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