Here’s a prediction of what 2011 will be like made by Thomas Edison in 1911. Apparently, it was an all metal future to him. Your chairs will be made of metal. Your house will be made of metal. Your books will be made of metal. Sandwiches, children, lawn — all metal. Also, he thought we’d be transmuting gold fairly regularly, but our alchemy skill have been kinda disappointing in the past century.
Anyway, it’s easy to make fun, but I guess I should try this out. Here are my predictions for 2111:
* All phones will be so small and so light that they’ll actually be lighter than air and float way, meaning phone calls will rarely be answered.
* Selecting people for anything — be it political office, jury duty, job in the mail room — will be done via reality TV shows.
* Saying anything over 140 characters in length will have you imprisoned by our robot overlords.
* Zombies will evolve into extremely fast moving creatures and zombie races will replace dog races.
* Movies will consist of so much CGI action happening at once that they’ll be completely incomprehensible to the human mind. And be in 3D.*
* College will be so expensive and so useless that half the world’s GDP will go towards paying student loans and people will need at least a masters to work at Arby’s.
* Everyone will have with them little computers which will hold every book, song, TV show, and movie ever made, though 99% of the time they’ll be used to play Angry Birds.
* Girls will go crazy for singing stars like Justin Bieber with more and more hair on their head until the most popular tweener idol is Cousin It.
* Government will grow so large and be so expansive that we only get one dollar each to spend and the rest of our money will go towards unneeded bridges named after Senators
* Blankets will evolve to not only have sleeves, but eventually pants legs and pockets and buttons and zippers. By 2111, “blanket” will be just another word for “clothes”.
* TV news will consist entirely of just putting up a picture of whoever the hated conservative of the day is accompanied by incoherent screeching.
* The country will be run by a clean, articulate self-reading teleprompter.
What do you think 2111 will be like?
* This may have already happened. I tend to avoid movie theaters these days.
* Everyone currently reading this will be dead.
* The History Channel will not be airing anything related to History.
* Our alien overlords will condition us for lives of servitude and boredom by airing baseball games in each maternity ward.
* Somewhere, somehow, the United States Marine Corps will still exist and will still own n00bs and foreigners.
In the middle ages plagues were sweeping through Europe killing millions upon millions with virus’s that were cured a thousand years earlier in Rome. So with that historical precedent.
*Yellowstone super volcano erupted and let so much ash in the air iit will jump start a new ice age
-Ice will cover most of the worlds farmland
-Worlds population will be 1/20 that is now
*math again done on beads
*sky high infant mortality rate
*instead of flu season its plague season
*internal combustion will be being reinvented
*Atheists crusades will have killed all non marxist religions off
*people will die from typhoid, tuberculosis
*Tribal culture will exist almost everywhere except a few cities which have recreated aqueducts
*99% of the world will be between light brown and dark brown-red heads will be stoned or worshiped
people will live in miniature self-contained mobile units that travel interchangably according to robotic comands from central authority of undisclosed location
nourishment will be automatically dispensed through the air invisibly only to materialize when it reaches said lowly unit destination which will consist of scary questionable gizmos
individual units will loose this title by 2111 and identity will be re-grouped according to daily or hourly interchangeable geographic convenience of central command
echos of orders will alight upon units according to comand’s every beck and call
subversive units will endlessly plot to overtake comands in ever ending battle for supramcy: tyrannanicals vs. freedom fighters
Miniature hard drives will be installed in the brains of all children.
You will be able to actually ‘SURF’ (or ride a Harley) on the Internet while you are looking through your Flat-screen eye glasses.
People will be able to go into the Internet (like on Tron or on Caprica) and actually live inside of cyber-space while thier bodies are frozen in Cryogenic chambers.
Cyber people will envolve into living machines!
And Al Gore will be cloned and made KING of all Cyber-Land because he invented the Internet.
And all of that will happen if we survive Obammageddon
Global Warming alarmists will still be warning that “if we don’t act now, the earth will be uninhabitable in 20 years.” They will have charts and graphs – charts! and! graphs!
– Kids will drink from the hose
– people will ride in the back of pick-up trucks without being strapped to some sort of safety device
– there will be no such thing as a a “child’s car seat”
– kids will play full-contact sports…to win
– the legal age to drink will be the same as the legal age to vote, 18
– there will be no teacher’s union and those public schools still attended will be run by their local communities
– the might of America’s awesome military and our willingness to use it will eliminate piss-ant dictators threatening our security
– the word “gay” will mean “happy”
– anyone reading about people from 2011 will ask, “What the hell was wrong with them?”
– Scientists will finally invent fusion energy. This will usher in an era known as the “Era of Wine and Roses.”
– The people who had created the “Great Energy Scare” of the previous century will be looked upon with disgust, disdain and dismay.
– Alarmed by the pure water emitted by countless fusion generators, Congress will act to condemn water as a greenhouse gas. This will end the “Era of Wine and Roses.”
– Scientists will finally perfect handheld ray guns.
– The Supreme Court will decide that ray guns are not firearms as defined in something called a constitution. Henceforth, only outlaws will have ray guns.
– Keith Olberman will still be a jerk of great pomposity. But he’ll be dead.
LANDRU will rule. BONK! BONK!
* Our government will be run by small-headed Goombahs¹ who enforce Obamacare’s Death Panels.
¹ And they look like President Obama.
Well, I don’t know about 2111, but we have a pretty good idea of what 2112 will be like. A trio of Canadian prophets described it back in the 70s
– Pajama-clad bloggers will complete their mutation into Eloi and Morlocks.
– Spam. And more spam.
– The earth will be 0.6°C cooler.
– Richard Daley VII will be mayor of Chicago. (And no, the Cubs still have not won the World Series.)
– Science!™ will be advocating, with near-religious intensity, that the government must fund scientits’ quirks, hobbies and foibles.
– Princess Buttercup will keep a mummified version of Frank at her hotel. (He never did let her go on a date, d__n him!)
– Muslims will be outraged.
The entirety of your being will be stored on your i-phone and you will no longer need a body.
i-phones will be equipped with rocket launchers
Your i-phone will be programmed to sniff out hippie i-phones and punch them
Dude, most of that’s already happening.
I like Son of Bob’s future, but I just wonder will Science! fix it so that the water from the hose will no longer taste like rubber
…’The massive grey walls of the Temples rise from the heart of every Federation city. I
Have always been awed by them, to think that every single facet of every life is regulated
And directed from within! Our books, our music, our work and play are all looked after by
The benevolent wisdom of the priests…’
We’ve taken care of everything
The words you hear, the songs you sing
The pictures that give pleasure to your eyes
It’s one for all and all for one
We work together, common sons
Never need to wonder how or why
We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls
We are the Priests, of the Temples of Syrinx
All the gifts of life are held within our walls
Look around at this world we’ve made
Equality our stock in trade
Come and join the Brotherhood of Man
Oh, what a nice, contented world
Let the banners be unfurled
Hold the Red Star proudly high in hand
We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls
We are the Priests, of the Temples of Syrinx
All the gifts of life are held within our walls
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rush/#share
The Millenn Reign of Christ will be approaching it’s centennial.
Truly I don’t want to be a Dora Downer but I don’t think we have 100 years. I can’t see the human race lasting that long. The things people do to each other in the name of love, religion, anti-religion, ethnicity, sex, nationalism, socialism, communism, and unfortunately capitalism (which shouldn’t but does happen – sorry) are going to eventually lead to the destruction of the human race. T
The greenies really ought to relax, if they just left things alone we’d do ourselves in and they’d get what they so badly desire. A perfect planet with no nasty people cancer. Unfortunately no one would be there to enjoy it, but that’s such a insignificant part of the grand paradisical plan as to not even be worth mentioning.
And that’s not even bringing in the whole Armageddon paradigm…………….just sayin’
I figure I’ve got 10 to 20, seanamahairmamagrandmama. But I hope you have 100 or more!
I’ve read every post here and am now contemplating suicide…..thanx people.
I’m thinking maybe that whole 2012 thing might just be true but then again, I thought there was no birth certificate in Hawaii
for the “president” so wtf do I know……
but speaking of the old dead white guy
And just to be raaaaaaacist
One is 42 pages long…one is 2 pages long….just saying.
Remember to enjoy free speech in moderation.
@zzyzx lighten up, this is a humor site.
Just keep saying to yourself
things will get better,
things will get better,
things can’t get any worse,
things can’t get any worse,
there’s no place like home,
there’s no place like home.
Good luck.
* ‘Win The Future’ will replace ‘Hello’ as the common Phone greeting,
and the other WTF words will be the common reply.
* The Church Of The Infomercial ( motto: “ISN’T that AMAZING!!)
will replace Obama’s face with Billy Mays as the 7th face on Mt.Rushmore – between Greg Gutfeld and Rachel Ray.
*Entire media empires and Universities will be built to educate an unaware populace
on the life and legacy of George W. Bush,
so he can be blamed for every problem in the Twenty Second Century, too
* No extra-terrestrial life will have been discovered.
*My great grand kids won’t have flying cars, either.
It will be illegal to serve fried chicken and
water…waffles anywhere on MLK or BHO Day and comments like:“It may not be offensive to you but for some people who carry the burden of a history of enslavement, it is offensive.”
will not only be considered perfectly normal, it will be required thought.
*MTV will start showing videos again.
*Smell-o-vision
i want my hair just like justins
Terry, in the future, cheerful whistling will not only be permitted, it will be encouraged. This is but one reason why zzyzx should be optimistic. Other reasons to be optimistic about the future:
– Lucky Charms will include red cherry marshmallows, making them more magically delicious than ever.
– FOIA requests will force the publication of KFC’s eleven secret herbs and spices — allowing all to enjoy the Colonel’s tasty chicken at home.
– Accumulation of greenhouse gasses will provide stupendous sunsets, the beauty of which Native Americans could not imagine.
In the future, my comment will be unmoderated.
In the future, all comments will have to await moderation.
Moderation in the pursuit of comments is no vice.
in 2100 the product “Soylent brown” will be discovered to contain cats and dogs. The all new “Soylent Green” will promise to contain no animal products whatsoever.
It will be endorsed heavily by the pope of the church of PETA. PETA will also push for government subsidies for “soylent green” to make it more affordable for the poor and even support air drop offs over third world countries like Britiain, France, Australia, and America.
I expect a dire 2011! The dollar will cease to be the worlds currency of reserve as we continue to print money to cover our debts. This will lead to massive inflation, a stock market crash and a worse crash in the housing market. Your dollars will be worth less and less and food, oil and other essentials will sky rocket in price!
Other than that, have a nice year!
Twenty Eleven…
Our brains will all be hard wired
To the Internet.
Except that there is
No Carpal Tunnel Syndrome…
Pretty much the same.
Everyone will speak Chinese. The New Beijing Times formerly known as the New York Times will proclaim God is dead.
I figure the top grossing movies will be
Transformers
Rocky XXVIII
Bewitched
Police Academy 82
Really the Last Remake of Beau Geste
The 12th imam will reappear in 2111 on April 1. On April 2, Jesus will return and kick the sh!t out of him.
#6 and #36 tied FTW!
Just don’t get the board book version of Go, Dog, Go! It’s a completely different book; it shares practically nothing with the classic except the title.
oh Lord so much to say…
underground comic master R Crumb did a “world of the future” piece maybe 1968: no need for a watch, a chip in our heads would tell us the time; no going to the toilet, everyone will have an internal bag to throw out, just like a vacuum cleaner (like that isn’t a messy job); rubber cars and buildings to eliminate auto accident injuries; clowns to jump out and throw pies and squirt seltzer at people to keep everyone happy… and most notable, to keep expenses down, a age 65 you get a pie… a cyanide pie…
Nat’l Lampoon did a 50 years into the future piece years ago, based on what might have been predicted at the 1938 World’s Fair — one prediction was that our colored folks would still have good jobs as porters on the highspeed trains “and even the most futuristic city needs clean streets!” NatLamp also ran a piece by the brilliant Arnold Roth in which the hooker, cabbie, pretzel vendor and panhandler all had Ivy League graduate degree diplomas hanging on their chests.
Obama will replace Washington on the dollar bill; when people talk about “bread” they will mean the stuff made out of wheat, not green paper, which is worth less than an equivalent square measurement of the leaves used for wiping onesself. You will see a person look at the sole of his shoe (made out of green paper and leaves) and say, “Oh no, I’ve stepped in a Biden” (ok, I cribbed that from Blackadder.) The ghost of Barney Frank will insist he didn’t know a male ghostitue ring was being run out of his haunted castle…