If we don’t militarize the police, it won’t be able to stop people from using the wrong light bulbs or selling really large sodas.

For the last five years the country has been run by a guy who thought Joe Biden was smart.

How about instead of using tax dollars to make bicycle paths, we use the money toward getting all those poor people cars.

If Obama were in the Senate at the time, he would have voted for the Iraq War. The guy is no profile in courage.

Are there any stats on how foreign policy crises affect the president’s golf score?

It’s violently ripping apart a tiny human; the reasons for opposition to abortion aren’t exactly a mystery.

You can argue the violent ripping apart of the tiny human is justified, but don’t pretend it’s hard to understand why people don’t like that.

In the Far East, they don’t have just Chinatowns but whole China-cities.

All animals other than humans are atheists. And they’re constantly killing each other and pooping on things.

Unless the two sides are actively shooting each other, the country has been more divided than it is today.

Can you imagine a violent conflict between the right and left in this country? Hard to imagine that lasting longer than a weekend.

I mean the right has all the guns and most of the military. Just seems like if that civil war ever started, be a predetermined end.

“Hey, 1980s called, and–”
“Wait, the call is coming from inside the house! Get out of there before Ayatollah Khomeini gets you!”

The craziest thing about homeschooling his how insanely angry and fearful some people get about it.

Obama isn’t that bad of president as long as you’re not just comparing him American presidents.

Better name for Wolverine: Cat-Weed. Because he has retractable claws like a cat and can regenerate from massive damage like a weed. Cat-Weed.

I’m one of those who found it fashionable to rag on Robin Williams’ comedy as of late, but he was the definition of funny when I was a kid.