I’m an advocate for politicians using more humor to better relate with the public, but Best of the Web alerted me to a good example of how a complete lack of a sense of humor can make a politician look like a total moron. The Boston Globe did a fluff piece asking famous Bostonians who their favorite Simpsons character is, and here is John Kerry’s answer:
“I could say my favorite character is Mr. Burns, because thanks to him even after Dick Cheney is out of office he will live on as a cartoon. But I’m actually a Bart fan, despite the fact Time named him one of the 100 most influential people, and I didn’t make the list. He once mooned a doctor, indicating he has the same view toward our current health-care system most Americans do.”
Wow. If the goal was to make Kerry seem like he has no sense of humor and no chance of relating to the common man, then mission accomplished. Give that man a hat (and he should hold on to it).
Really, all he had to do here was have one of his staff pick a character and grab a quote off the internet and it would have gotten a smile and made him appear semi-human (e.g., “My favorite character is Homer Simpson. ‘Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals … except the weasel.’ Ha ha. What a merry soul.'”). Instead, he maladroitly tried to force politics into this while making the lamest attempt at humor using Simpsons references no one has ever heard of and only accomplished making himself seem like he has never legitimately laughed at anything in his entire life. This is like Data making an attempt at humor (before the emotions upgrade). The sad thing is you know he’s never actually watched an episode of the show, so his staff helped him on this:
STAFF MEMBER 1: “According to LexisNexis, Bart Simpson was once listed in Time’s 100 most influential people; do you think we can use that?”
STAFF MEMBER 2: “And the current big issue is health care. Let’s work that in there.”
STAFF MEMBER 3: “And the base really doesn’t like Cheney. Can we put him in there too?”
STAFF MEMBER 4: “These are some good ideas. Let’s schedule a three hour meeting and see what statement we can come up with to issue to the Boston Globe. Senator Kerry, do you have any input on the Simpson matter?”
KERRY: “Simpson, eh… wasn’t he that colored man who stabbed his wife?”
Maybe I’m taking this too seriously as someone who appreciates humor, but whoever in Kerry’s staff is behind that statement should be fired. Or shot. It’s just that gob-smackingly horrible.
How haughty and french looking can one guy be? And his humor is reminiscent of Ghengis Khan. KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!!
John Heinz Kerry sure has a knack for assembling a crack staff to put him in the best light. However, considering what they have to work with, it is truly an unenviable position.
How many “What have I done with my life?” moments do those staff members have?
Apparently, John is taking advantage of the “lay-offs” at Al Qaeda to staff his crack team of writers.
John Hargrave at Zug.com did a prank a few years back about this. He sent a letter to all of the senators posing as a 10 year old boy requesting them to sending him their favorite joke for a project.
Senator Prank
Since he was posing as a kid most of the jokes were apolitical but still lacking in humor.
My goodness, that’s such a lousy attempt at humor I thought at first it was just made up to make fun of Kerry. But of course, who needs to invent any reason to make him look like a total moron?
Ok I have to admit that when I read the Kerry quote I thought FrankJ made it up. It wasn’t until I clicked on the link to the original article that I understood just how wrong I was.
The funny thing is the quote reads like something that might have appeared in a “In My World” bit.
I love it when these people preemptively become parodies of themselves!
Sometimes, the jokes write themselves…
Scary Thought-of-the-Day: This man could have been our president!
John F’in Kerry does Henny Youngman style one-liners:
“Take my wife, if you wish. She can be shrill at times, so you can understand my ribald humor at her expense.”
“A dislexic man walks into a brassiere, or bra, to adopt the casual vernacular.”
“Everyone must believe in something. I believe that drinking to excess may be beneficial, at least in the short run. But over time, liver damage can result, and may add to the already alarming health care crisis.”
PaleoMedic – Jokes that John Heinz Kerry would tell…brilliant.
– A priest, a nun and a rabbi walk into a bar. Now, please understand that I feel everyone is free to practice their own religion, in particular our Muslim brethren who are often discriminated against as they attempt to practice their peaceful religion. The actions of a few extremists should not cause all Muslims to be labeled as terrorists. Unlike George Bush, who seems to lump the actions of a dozen zealots who caused such a ruckus on 9/11 with the rest of the community of Islam, I respect the rights of Muslims around the world, and wish our troops weren’t busting down the doors of innocent Arabic families. And, may I take this moment to wish all Muslims a happy and successful Ramadan.
Another joke John Kerry would tell:
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you sorry that I wasn’t elected President. With a few more votes in Ohio, I would have been your next President. I wouldn’t have made the same mistakes as George W. Bush, who squandered the good will extended to the United States by the world community after 9/11. Unfortunately, George Bush is a cowboy who has turned the world against us with his illegal and immoral war.
John Kerry Joke:
A Man walks into a bar… by which I mean to say he collided with a low hanging piece of steel brought about by shoddy construction due to the lack of much needed government oversight in big businesses such as construction. Also, as he injured himself, he became bankrupted by medical bills because we don’t have Universal Healthcare like the great nations of Cuba, France, Canada and the such. If you had elected me, who served in Vietnam, this tragedy would have been averted.
Oddly enough, this brings to mind another Simpsons moment, when SuperNintendo Chalmers and Principal Skinner try to do the “Who’s on First?” routine
Chalmers: Well, Seymour, it seems we’ve put together a baseball team, and I was wondering, who’s on first?
Skinner: Yes. Not the pronoun, but rather a player with the unlikely name of “Who” is on first.
Chalmers: Well that’s just great, Seymour. We’ve been out here six seconds and you’ve already managed to blow the routine……Sexless freak…..
Paleo – your ronin profile failed to mention that you actually ARE John Kerry…man, those were scary-funny…
Let’s face it: Kerry was being serious. He looks up to Mr. Burns as a role model, and even though Bart is an “under-achiever & proud of it”, he has achieved more success as a fictional character than the Kerry-bot could ever achieve in real life.
I’d bet that if you asked Teddy Kennedy who his favorite Simpsons character is, he’d belch & say “Barney!”
And I believe Bill Richardson is, in fact, Bumblebee Man.
Ha-HA!
Here’s a frightening thought exercise; everywhere you have the name, “John Kerry,” substitute it with “Al Gore.”
T.Ferg is SO right — I really did think that was a parody and clicked on the link to see what FrankJ was spoofing off. Unbelievable.
I’m not near as good a paleo or DE, but Moonbunny threw this one out.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the illegal war for oil kept him from driving across and since there’s not enough funding for LiteRail, he couldn’t use public transportation.
I’d be terrified of an islamic-approved John Kerry Joke.
“Abu, an iraqi whose home was destroyed by a military force seeking to flex its muscles only for economic prosperity without the light of any responsibility, was sleeping on the street because of his lack of a home, when a piece of an ied landed on him after attacking our poor children abroad.
Mohammed, the prophet of peace for the religion of Islam for which we are so intolerant, walked by (walking because he couldn’t get any petrol for his car) and said “abu, father of IEDs.” What? Why aren’t you laughing? My goodness, even the Muslim guy isn’t laughing.”
Also agreeing with T.Ferg.
Really thought that was Frank just making stuff up.
Glad to see Kerry now comes with a handy self-parodying feature.