JUDGE: You’ve raped, murdered, robbed, and burned down orphanages, but finally you’ve been brought to face justice, you piece of scum. What do you have to say for yourself?
DEFENDANT: No speak English.
JUDGE: Oh. Then run along, you scamp!
Archive of entries posted on July 2007
IMAO Condensed: The 2000 Presidential Election
About IMAO
I’ve finally added an About IMAO page. It’s nothing special for those who know the site, but it should be helpful to new people who come to IMAO and are like, “What the hell is this?”
So, anyone know any politics worth making fun of today?
Pre-Scheduled Post
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
High Dad
So Al Gore III was caught with 140 Vicodin pills. Big bloated polluted deal. I’m sure the whole thing has been blown out of proportion.
Give his manbearpig fightin’ verbally opposin’ daddy some time, folks! You know he’ll be able to produce an overdose or two worth of Drug Abuse offsets that promote getting other kids off drugs while allowing your own to dose freely. Just like everything else there’s no sin you a Gore can commit that will stick as long as you a Gore is paying.to help other people kick the habit.
If he’s super lucky his incarceration offsets will prevent any jail time. Read the last part of the story at the link.
Limousine liberals: Always put their money where their mouth is since, well, doing something would be just so inconvenient and frankly beneath them, but not you.
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
John Edwards wishes he were Superman – mostly for the tights.
Bonus facts from reader Matt:
* John Edwards understands the Pet Shop Boys on a level that nobody else ever will.
* John Edwards is banned from the First Response Home Pregnancy Test factory because his mere presence turns all of the test sticks pink. Although it could be because Fred Thompson’s mere presence actually impregnates the women.
* John Edwards believes in global warming because “Whew, is it getting hot in here or what? You boys wanna take them shirts off?”
* John Edwards uses the “No More Tears” shampoo but cries anyway. Not because it stings, but because he gets wistful at the thought of his hair losing its perfect form while he washes it.
* John Edwards fears Boy George really wants to hurt him.
Did/Does Harry Potter Die? The Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction
Spoiler Alert: This article contains spoilers to the Harry Potter series, though not really any spoilers for any of the books.
Does Harry Potter Die?
Everybody wants to know if Harry Potter dies in the new book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The answer is not so simple. But here it is.
Continue reading ‘Did/Does Harry Potter Die? The Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction’ »
Five Sheets At Once? Does Sheryl Crow Know About This?
As long as Kimberly-Clark’s new automatic toilet paper dispenser keeps the stuff from shredding or tearing lengthwise, I will gladly embrace this new technology.
Even if it does destroy the environment.
Well… actually, because of that reason…
Is Islamic Rage Boy Funny? A Debate with the Humorless
Potfry was on BBC radio debating terrorist apologist Ibrahim Hooper of CAIR about whether Islamic Rage Boy is funny. It took about two seconds for Hooper to mention the Nazis (who apparently had to deal with all those rage-filled Jews screaming for the death of Europe).
“If you laugh at me, you’re a Nazi!”
If Hooper’s goal is to make the American public believe that Muslims are either terrorists or whiny apologists for terrorists, he’s very good at what he does.
Here is the American Spectator on the Islamic Rage Boy debate (and the article includes some examples of acceptable Islamic humor).
Special Harry Potter Edition Fred Thompson Facts
- Fred Thompson’s glare has the same effect as a Cruciatus Curse.
- Dumbledore was the only wizard Voldemort ever feared. Why? Because Dumbledore was friends with Fred Thompson.
- Fred Thompson can transform into the most powerful Animagus form of all: Fred Thompson.
- If you call Fred Thompson a Muggle, he’ll cast a spell on you where you spit out all your teeth. He uses his fist to cast the spell.
- A Quidditch game ends when either the Golden Snitch is caught or Fred Thompson becomes bored.
- Fred Thompson has killed more Death Eaters than any Auror… and that was just this morning.
- Even an Imperius Curse can’t make you vote against Fred Thompson.
- SPOILER!!! At the end of Deathly Hallows, Fred Thompson kills Voldemort. With a ping pong paddle.
Two Hours of Pure Terror
|
Cheney will be acting President for at least two hours tomorrow.
Consider this fair warning to the liberal blogosphere.
Ronin Profiles: Veeshir
|
Let’s meet another IMAO reader. Today, it’s Veeshir.
What’s the story behind your name?
My last name is “Fisher”, when I was in grammar school a friend used to call me “Meeester Feeeesher” and he kept lengthening it until it was “Meeeeeeeeeester Veeeeeeshir” (His spelling, I used to spell it “Veesher”). Since both my first and last names are very common while there is only one Veeshir, I went with that so as not to be confused with anyone else.
Where do you live?
Historic Alexandria, Va.
How old are you?
44, I’m all excited. I’m only about 10 years or so from being a dirty, old man. That’s been my goal since I was 16.
Tell us briefly about yourself.
I retired for my 20s and saw the world (through rose-colored eyes). When I was 30, I realized it was time to start pretending to be an adult so I went back to school and got a BS in Mechanical Engineering. Now? I never do engineering work. Funny how that works out. Little known Veeshir Vact, I’m blind in one eye.
Ever spend time wondering what a nuclear blast on the moon would really look like?
Actually no, I have a shirt with a picture and everything. Considering you sold me the shirt, I would think you would know that.
How long have you been reading IMAO?
Nearly 5 years, I’m not sure when I started, it was probably after the first time the Emperor linked to you but before you were first called FrnakJ. The first comment by me I can find is from October, 2002, back when your comment button said, ‘IYAO’. [That would be back when IMAO was on Blogspot. -Ed]
What’s your favorite IMAO post?
I don’t think I have just one. I have favorite lines, with my personal favorite probably being when Kim Jong Il said he needed nukes to be able to reduce the size of his army. Rumsfeld responded with something like, “Tell him I too have a plan for reducing the size of his army that involves nukes.” I do miss your “Links of the Day”, those were usually pretty fun.
What’s your favorite political issue?
Don’t have one anymore, I’m totally sick of politics. That’s why I mostly just attempt humor in my comments. The W2 shirt you sold me does encapsulate the two issues most dear to my heart, “4 more years of low taxes and dead terrorists”.
If you could magically turn any one person into a three-legged goat, who would it be and why?
Hassan Nasrallah, so I could watch his followers turn him into a gyro. That would be funny.
If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone.