I had pointed out an extremely masturbatory diary on the Daily Kos about one the Kos Kids walking amongst all the mere mortals and magically feeling their pain (which all happened to conform to his political views). Some of the lines from it were:
It’s the kid with the anger in his eyes I saw on my way to the swimming pool…anger at the injustice of a school system that’s written him off in the fifth grade…anger at a society that tells him every day that he is less than a full citizen because of the color of his skin just like his dad and his uncles.
It’s the overweight mom I see in my neighborhood. The one with two young children who has pre-diabetes and doesn’t know it yet. She lives in a society that won’t give her preventative care or nutritional education, but which underwrites big corporations that sell her super-sized food that is silently eating away at her body.
It’s that girl I saw on the subway who looked at me with that curious stare. She doesn’t even know about global warming.
If was the readers’ job to improve on them. The best one would win high praise.
The runners up (who get mere praise instead of high praise) are:
“It’s the overweight mom I see in my neighborhood. Didn’t she used to be on ‘The View’?”
from AlanABQ
“It’s that girl I saw on the subway who looked at me with that curious stare. She doesn’t even know about ManBearPig.”
from Matty G
“It’s that girl I saw on the subway who looked at me with that curious stare. She doesn’t even know that fire can’t melt steel.”
from Rick
And the winner of high praise is…
Andrew with:
It’s that girl I saw on the subway who looked at me with that curious stare. She has no idea how ugly she is compared to John Edwards.
Jolly good show, Andew. Jolly good.
Curious how everyone either looks at this freak with anger or curiosity:
“It’s the kid with the anger in his eyes I saw on my way to the swimming pool”
Why are we to assume that the kid doesn’t just hate hippies?
“It’s that girl I saw on the subway who looked at me with that curious stare.”
Why are we to assume that the girl wasn’t just thinking, “Hasn’t that guy ever heard of soap?”
Wow. Damn funny.
Uh, mine was the funniest.
Does mere praise include any monetary reward…? Just askin’.
I thought this one would be spongewor… er, praiseworthy instead:
//It’s the overweight mom I see in my neighborhood. The one with two young children who has pre-diabetes and doesn’t know it yet. Jeeze, what a cow.//
Lots of good entries. I do think the “dinner plate sized areolas” creation deserved special commendation.
Man, I thought the Manbearpig one was funny, then the winner? Bwahaha! Breck Girl Edwards jokes are always hilarious.
Hey thanks!
I’m reminded of the Public Broadcasting advertisement: “WIPB: We’re the channel that changes you.”
“It’s that girl I saw on the subway who looked at me with that curious stare. Hasn’t she ever seen a guy with a Che t-shirt AND pink nail polish before?”
I missed the contest and had to enter something… even if it IS late.
You should’ve been there at the time, Chris. It was really special & you’re just enough of a smartass that you would’ve gotten many good entries. If you want a good laugh, read kid oakland’s “diary”… it is so over the top, dripping with feigned emotion & melodrama, that I suggest you don’t try to drink anything ’til you’re done reading it, or you’ll ruin your keyboard.