August is always the slowest month for politics, but that no excuse not to blog. I’m thinking, though, we may need to make up some political issues to respond to so we can pass the time.
Here’s a couple ideas:
* The people at Daily Kos are now actively supporting Iraqi insurgents trying to kill American. They still consider this supporting our troops since Iraqi insurgents provide negative reinforcement for behavior they disagree with (namely, defense of America and its interests).
* Democrats in Congress have become so powerless that now even their own bodies aren’t listen to their commands and thus the Democrats are running around the Capitol like chickens with their heads cut off.
* John Edwards lectured middle class Americans while wearing a pink, frilly dress and wearing over a million dollars in jewelry. His supporters are complaining how the following coverage focused on his appearance and not his message.
* Hillary Clinton was forced to take a break from campaigning for three days due to an injury sustained when she was accidentally splashed with holy water.
* Barack Obama says he will never ever use the military against North Korea no matter what and threatens to invade South Korea if they don’t crack down on the consumption of dogs.
* New botched terrorist attack ended when terrorists accidentally drive a car into a phone poll and then set selves on fire. Luckily for them, a third terrorist videotaped the incident and won $10,000 from America’s Funniest Home Videos as funding for their next attempt.
Any ideas for other made up stuff I can respond to?
Oh, c’mon Frank! If Hillary Clinton were ever splashed with Holy Water she would instantly explode or sizzle like the main dish at a Ruth’s Cris! You’d have to be a real homo to buy this one…
News stories:
* President Bush announced an end to the secret government and plans to release details about Sadam’s WMD’s shipped to Syria before the war. Government UFO data will also be released this month.
* Fred Thompson announced that he won’t be announcing until 2008. That way, he can ride in on a white horse and sweep the primaries.
* After Fred Thomspon announces that, there is a massive die-off of conservatives due to a form of lethal depression.
* The DNC announced their platform for 2008, regardless of their candidate. The new planks involve the most sweeping socialism ever conceived in the western world. American’s on the street responde with “I like it!” More conservates give up, including Fred Thompson who reveals he actually won’t announce until 2009.
You can write about how lefty bloggers want to unionize and have someone pay their medical insurance.
bzzzzbzzzzzbzzzz
Oh, that was for real?
Nevermind.
Sorry, I’m a depressed conservative, if you couldn’t tell. Make me laugh, Frank !
I noticed there is a media blackout on what the squirrls are up to. Did McBushHitler get to you, or is this far more sinister?
Are there jewish squirrls, Frank? I’ve never seen a squirrl eat a pork chop.
Well, the best made up stuff has been how David Aguina was planted by Michelle Malkin and/or Chimpy McHitler, a.k.a. Buuuuuuuush!!!
I like the way ‘Lorelei’ @ DemocracyArsenal referred to Michelle’s other site as “Hot Airbags”. For whatever reason, that kinda aroused me.
Sorry. You all probably didn’t need to know that…
Peyton Manning has been arrested for running a fighting Shi-tzu farm in suburban Indianapolis. he tried to downplay the whole thing by saying, “c’mon, you ever seen shi-tzus fight? It’s like watching John Edwards and Barak Obama tussle over the last canape at a cocktail party.”
You may have been dealing in politics too long when:
You mix up poll with pole.
Democrats shift strategies and support the US troops in Iraq and cry for victory in Iraq and against terrorism.
Wow. That is even hard to read w/o laughing.
An online survey shows that 87% of respondents think that Ron Paul is the real author of the collected works of William Shakespeare. Another 7% think that Ron Paul merely inspired them. The remaining 6% believe that he will write them once he gets the Tardis up and running.
“You’d have to be a real homo to buy this one.”
ussjimmycarter, would you care to explain what you mean by that? Because it sounds like you are saying that gay people are stupid.
Who needs to make anything up? Scott Thomas Beauchamp’s mysterious badly disfigured woman has been found! Take that, doubters!
Fred Thompson announced that his first act as president will be to pimp slap the hell out of Ted Kennedy in order to show the other liberals that he means business.
“You’d have to be a real homo to buy this one.”
ussjimmycarter, would you care to explain what you mean by that? Because it sounds like you are saying that gay people are stupid.
Posted by: Pat Berry on August 6, 2007 03:10 PM
That’s ’cause gay people ARE stupid. GEEZ Pat Berry, don’t you read this site?? Not only are they stupid, they’re ridiculously obsessed about how they have orgasms…what a bunch of ‘tards.
I’m sure there’s a news story plant out there that details how 35 W collapse was just a ruse by the government to draw focus away from Nicole Richie being pregnant.
San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors rescinds all business-unfriendly ordinances, invites the US Navy to dock more retired battleships in SF.
John Edwards throws out the first pitch at a baseball game and doesn’t throw like a girl.
*Nancy Pelosi/Dick Cheney affair unearthed
*Ted Kennedy buys new hummer with features “auto-floatation,” “Driver ejection seat,” and “Keg holder”
*Aliens abduct Ron Paul, mistaking him for one of their own. They return him with an apology to earth, but their instruments just can’t handle this level of insanity.
*Tony Blair visits Iraq and proceeds to win the war in 12 seconds. Says Tony Blair, “I’d been meaning to do this for a while.”
shimauma – Shame on you for taking such a harsh tone with someone who is obviously confused about exactly what it means to put tab-a in slot-b! Why, he/she might not know you are kidding and leave this site believing that all gay people are stupid, when in fact they are not. Some of the happiest people I’ve ever known are quite smart! The sad part is that it’s been proven that all stupid people are queers…but at least they aren’t smart enough to know how sad it is!
“Homo” used as a perjorative…like in you dick-head, you moron, you democrat… When I was young…and men were men and women were glad of it…Homo was something NOT to be aspired to by your average teenage male. I’m not sure that remains today…sigh! And no I don’t believe the Homosexual “lifestyle” is healthy, normal or acceptable!
I’m not gay, but my boyfriend is… and he was born that way. But shhhh- I’m just using him for his hairstyling skills.
“‘Homo’ used as a perjorative…like in you dick-head, you moron, you democrat.”
Thanks for clearing that up. I only asked because a friend of mine, someone that has been a member of my circle of friends for years, “came out” this week and admitted to us that he is gay. It was very difficult for him, because he was terrified that we would react by, well, behaving like you. We told him that it made no difference and that he was still our friend.
Maybe you can understand why this would make me a bit more uncomfortable with the casual use of “homo” as an all-purpose insult. Or maybe not.
“That’s ’cause gay people ARE stupid. GEEZ Pat Berry, don’t you read this site?”
I do, yes. I’m trying to remember why.
Oh, yes, because it makes me laugh. Usually.
Don’t be hurt, Pat. It’s not that big of a deal. Do we like homos? It doesn’t matter, it’s just that some of us don’t… y’know… love them… the same way others do.
Now, you know I’m only talkin’ smack. Personally, I don’t care what orientation someone is. Your business, or that of who you associate with, isn’t mine. That’s fair, unless…
…it affects me -or my kids- directly. Everyone has the right to express themselves, but just as with religious conviction, so should it be with preference. If you know someone who wants to be married in the eyes of God & yet have the state recognize it, they should REALLY think about separation of church & state, and then ask why the Ten Commandments is not constitutional in or on court buildings, but gay Holy marriage should be held on the same steps. Can you say “conflict of interests”?
If you find objections to the gay lifestyle offensive, well…
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Pat – “…a friend of mine…”came out” this week and admitted to us that he is gay. It was very difficult for him, because he was terrified that we would react by, well, behaving like you. We told him that it made no difference and that he was still our friend.”
How else would a “friend” react? So NOW that you have a “gay” friend, calling someone a “homo” is out of line…but it wasn’t before? Got any fat friends? I guess, “Fatso, pig, and don’t stand between that guy and buffet” have also left your vocabulary. Got any blonde friends? Know anyone with a mental disorder…or am I crazy to ask? The excesses of the homosexual lifestyle are well documented Pat. Being called a “homo” by a total stranger is nothing compared to the degradation your friend willingly engages in routinely. Sorry that it’s not funny for you now that you have an openly gay friend…since it’s all about you. BTW – for future reference, the “Gay Friend’s Handbook” requires that you imply that anyone using the “H” word is “latent.”
Actually, Gunga, I’ve had openly gay friends for years. (I do a lot of volunteering at a community theatre, and you don’t last long in the theatre world if you have a problem with gay people.) This is just the first time I’ve witnessed the process of “coming out” and understood the amount of pain and fear that my friend was going through. “Homo” was never a part of my vocabulary.
Of course I have fat and blonde friends. I don’t suppose I would if I made a habit of casually insulting them. How does that work for you?
Do I know anyone with a mental disorder? A member of my family, actually. Bipolar disorder. She had a tough time a few years ago with depression and mood swings. Tried to kill herself. Fortunately, the problem can be effectively treated with medication. She’s fine now, no symptoms at all. Thank you for asking.
BTW – for future reference, the “Gay Friend’s Handbook” requires that you imply that anyone using the “H” word is “latent.”
No, thanks. Ignorant stereotypes don’t really work for me.
Blank – Works great for me, thanks for asking! Exactly what pain was your friend going through? Was he actually engaging in homosexual sex at the time of his coming out?
“Ignorant stereotypes don’t really work for me.” Hmmmmm…who was it that just suggested that community theater was rife with homosexuals… If irony was toxic, they’d be checking you for a pulse right about now.