SAN FRANCISCO (AP) – An 810-foot-long container ship crashed into the base of a tower of the Bay Bridge’s western span in heavy fog Wednesday, spilling 58,000 gallons of fuel into San Francisco Bay. America’s leading environmental groups surprised pundits and analysts alike by neither feining outrage for fundraising purposes nor blaming President Bush to score political points with Democrats.
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Sierra Club President Robbie Cox greeted the news with a noncommittal shrug. “If you consider how much water is in the Bay, the contamination is about 2 parts per billion. Hell, South San Francisco dumped 2 million gallons of raw sewage back in 2004. What’s a little oil on top of THAT?”
John Passacantando, Executive Director of Greenpeace USA, was similarly unimpressed by the news. “Back in 1996, over 40,000 gallons of oil got dumped in the Bay, and we made a pretty big stink about it. Turned out that by the time a year had passed, you couldn’t even tell. The beaches were open, and plant & animal populations were completely back to normal. I blush to think of how much time, energy, and funding we wasted fussing over what turned out to be nothing. We’re not falling into THAT trap again.”
Fred Krupp, president of the Environmental Defense Fund, seemed more annoyed by questions from the press than angry about the ecological tragedy. “Ok, so a few gulls & sea lions die. They’re just ANIMALS for cryin’ out loud! It’s not like any PEOPLE are going to die from this. And besides, the only animal fatalities will be those who are too slow or too stupid to avoid swimming through an oil slick. Those kinds of critters you want out of the gene pool, anyway. Hand of Darwin, and all that.”
Although Al Gore could not be reached directly for comment, his office did issue the following press release:
“It doesn’t affect global warming. I don’t give a @#$%.”
Surely this tragedy is Bush’s fault somehow. After all, isn’t everything?
Bbbbut… without increasing ocean temperatures, there wouldn’t have been any fog – so global warming caused the crash! (It there anything it can’t do?)
Keep these ‘press releases’ coming, Harvey – they’re a riot.
“Unable to dodge an oil slick moving .1 mph, this bird deserved to die.”
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
I literally couldn’t stop laughing for like 10 minutes after reading that caption.
Oil spills are unconstitutional, and will be banned after my coup d’tat…er, coronation…er, ELECTION.
Do not worry!! I will be there if the oil catches on fiyuh!!
Ahnuld
…spilling 58,000 gallons of fuel into San Francisco Bay
Considering the population of SF, I’m sure that more than 58k gallons of astroglide finds its way into the Bay on a weekly basis.
that picture made me sad
you are all so retarded, its scary.
you are all so retarded, its scary.
you are all so retarded, its scary.
The previous post(s) is(are) so ironic, it’s scary.
They get a much bigger oil slick every time a hippie goes for a swim.
hah, stupid birds. They did deserve to die.