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Do you know where the presidential candidates stand on volcanoes? It’s a continuous threat we face, but no one seems to have the courage to talk about it. At any moment, volcanoes could rip out of the ground and spew forth all the molten rock, ash, toxic waste, meth, diet cola, and other evil the volcanoes have stored up in their lairs deep within the earth. Volcanoes could kill millions, but what threat do we hear politicians talking about? Pirates. Yes, pirates are a problem, but even the most villainous, scurvy ridden pirate cannot compare to the destructive power of the average volcano. Plus, we can at least understand the motivations of pirates since we all have the desire to rape, pillage, plunder deep inside. The volcano’s desire to simply destroy everything on the surface of the earth is not something the average man can comprehend.
It’s time we get our politicians and especially those seeking the office of the president to tell us where they stand on volcanoes. It’s time they ask the tough questions such as what can we do to stop volcanoes? When and where are the volcanoes plotting to explode? Are any of the hills in our communities volcanoes in disguise? Are geysers in league with them? How do the Jews fit into this? Are they working in association with the squirrels?
We can’t just stick our heads in the ground when it comes to volcanoes, because that’s where volcanoes live.
The dinosaurs couldn’t put together a workable plan to deal with volcanos and look what happened to them. We’ve got to get on top of this!
You’ve got to be blind to the fact that it’s the work of the lobbyists working for big volcano! Washington DC is ripe with the stink of magma.
What’s so bad about volcanos? If nothing else, when they erupt they cool off the Earth. One good eruption and those global warm-mongers will get whiplash from the sudden shift they have to make back to global cooling in order to impose their socialist agenda.
Cave Troll like volcanos. Volcanos keep Cave Troll warm and toasty. Warm cave keep Cave Troll muscles loose for crushing enemies with big rock.
This was pretty awesome, I love how it gets more and more insane as it goes on..
Beautiful photo.
Well, actually, I would like to know what the plan is for the Yellowstone megavolcano. The caldera there has been swelling for several years. If it blows, we’re toast.
I know where I’d like Hillary to stand on the issue: on top of it when it erupts.
I’m glad some one besides myself has recognized the seriousness of this issue! Perhaps we could find common ground with the Islamic Terrorists to fight this growing evil! Surely even Muhammad would recognize that volcanoes threaten all religions equally. Except for the Zionist Jews, they have been in league with the magma spewers for thousands of years.
Mt Vesuvias – Jewish conspiracy
Krakatoa – Jewish conspiracy
Mt Saint Helens (1980) – Jews again
Mt Saint Helens (2006) – Failed Bush regime plot
Ron Paul actually has proof of the Jews involvment in all the major eruptions since the discovery of fire.
Face it-
Most of the candidates won’t touch the volcano issue for fear of being imprisoned at the base of one & being blown up by Xenu with atomic bombs.
Nice lead in, AlanBBQ…
You know, I’ve discussed this issue at great length with various political operatives at United Artists, and we’ve come up with a tentative plan called “Mission: H-Bomb,” or “Operation H-Bomb.” – we’re not sure yet because the script isn’t finished…
It’s sure to be a Mega-Blockbuster, as it is an Anti-Volcano, totally Pro-Earth, epic saga, starring myself, the great one, natch!
…One thing is certain though, Ron Paul and his evil minions of Xenu must be contained!
And, and, and – that stinking, spouting harpy, Hillary, – we’ve got a special tactical nuke custom-tailored to fit her gaseous fumarole.
Good point, Frank. I’m afraid the only politicians capable of dealing with this ancient menace are President Ron Paul and VP Alex Jones.
Oh please, there is no lava.
You people are just shills for George W Bush. Just because government intelligence says there’s lava, doesn’t mean there’s lava in volcanoes. Everyone knows there has NEVER been a volcanic eruption, it’s just a myth perpetuated by the vast right wing conspiracy to try to draw attention from the war we’re winning…umm, I mean losing in Iraq.
As a matter of fact, I hear that Michael Moore is making a wonderful documentary called “Spewage” that will show staged scenes of Michael sitting on sets made to look like actual volcanoes in order to prove that they don’t really exist.
I’d like to ask Hillary what she plans to do about the Volcano Threat.
Fools! Fighting volcanos only causes more eruptions! Instead we should identify the root causes that fuel them, namely oceanic subduction zones. The UN needs to rezone these areas into something that doesn’t recycle old earth into new magama.
Does lava melt steel? We may have found proof of the Zionist/Vulcanist 9/11 conspiracy. Call Ron Paul immediately!!!
Monkeys, not squirrels, Frank.
We’ve lived under the control of volcanos long enough. I think it’s about time we delivered an ultimatum to the fiery race:
Submit or be nuked.
If Bush had signed the Kyoto treaty and hadn’t started this illegal war for oil (HALLIBURTIN!!!) which is causing global warming which is causing the teutonic plates in the earths crust to shift…oh that Al Gore were President…the sky would be pink and the earth would be full of fuzzy bunnies!!!
Frank, I have to let you know that Jonah Goldberg of National Review has been all over this. Check out NRO’s Corner, and do a search of volcano posts. Surely you, of all people, will agree that what we need is airborne laser volcano lancing.