In this ABC News story, it talks about “scientists” opposing Governor Jindal’s plan to deal with the oil spill. It never mentions who these scientists are or where they come from, because I guess it doesn’t matter because all you need to know is they’re scientists and thus right because they use Science!
Which gets me thinking: I’m a scientist. Well, I have a bachelors in science. And I like to study stuff like the science of humor. So I’m a scientist. That means that when you quote me, you shouldn’t say that, “Frank J. says…” You should say, “Scientists say…” So here are some new scientifical statements:
Scientists say that more funding and research needs to be devoted to dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them and space lasers.
Scientists say that lab tests on monkeys aren’t quite cruel enough yet.
Scientists say the best strategy for the president during a crisis is to accidentally lock himself in a trunk so he’ll stay out of the way of anyone who actually knows how to do something useful.
Scientists say we’re almost out of Doritos and should get more.
Scientists say that Super Mario Galaxy 2 is a really fun game.
Scientists say that SarahK should get up and get her own water instead of having her husband do it after he’s already sat down for dinner.
Scientists say that the cat should stop clawing people while they write or it’s going to get popped in the face.
Scientists say, “Buy my t-shirts.”
Remember, you can’t question any of this, because I… wield… Science!
Other scientists say that the first scientists ought to get that water for Sarah if they know what’s good for them.
So does that mean instead of saying that Frank J says we should nuke the oil spill from now on I should say Scientists say we should nuke the oil spill?
You….wield science? Maybe you should get Danny Elman to write a song for you.
The article is definitely funny but the sad thing about it is that unless we listen to scientists as far as such important issues are concerned, there’s nobody else we could listen to, unfortunately.
I had excellent grades in history throughout my edumacation.
Thus, history tells us that those who wish to sell t-shirts must sell the t-shirts wanted by Russian submarine captains: nuke the moon t-shirts.
Scientists say they are concerned about the beer supply because after the current case and the other case, there will be only one case left.
For secularists saying “science says so” is like saying “pope says so” they aren’t interested in the truth. Radical Secularism just did not have much to offer its adherents culturally so it adopted the structures and behaviors of religion.
Most people just want a religion that ignores truths and just makes them feel good about their life choices and secularists are no different. They will even push back against religion or science when it starts making them question their comfortable narratives.
Scientists say that they will stop wasting time developing “male enhancement” products such as Viagra, because women like playing with their own toys.
I have to point out that you are only scientist not scientists. If SarahK has a scientifical degree, you’ll need to her to agree with you before you can use the plural. Or just post it here and hopefully a qualified scientist like myself will concur. I can concur with all but your 6th statement. I don’t want your wife potentially calling my wife and then giving me grief.
Frank – A Scientist, of all people, should realize that SarahK might get her own water, but she is busy BUILDING AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEING OUT OF SPARE PARTS. Jeez.
Let me break it down for you: You managed to throw a key in SarahK’s general direction. She caught it, and is now building a Ferrari all by herself. That is essentially the ratio of effort we are talking about.
Also – am I the only one who wants to see in Cilla’s bedside table now?
Are we sure none of these guys or gals are Christian Scientists? That would be promoting the establishment of a state religion, and then we would have to have NASA work on an outreach program for Muslim Scientists.
Jeff’s right, although I don’t know what he has against doritos.
More than likely they are Social Scientists, Psychology Scientists, etc. You know, the sciences where math and logic are not required and are in fact detrimental.
Jeff, and hwuu- how dare you raise accusations such as theses! The science is settled! The scientists said so!!!
The question I have, Frank, is did YOU cook the dinner?
(And Knitter, some things are best left to the imagination!)
Remember, you can’t question any of this, because I… wield… Science!
……..well I’m fresh out of ideas.
I assumed Cilla meant like remote control cars or hot wheels. I am open to alternative explanations.
Jindal, a Republican, has criticized the Obama administration for weeks……
Something tells me that’s as far as most libtards read.
From one of the typical idiot comments:“Guess that’s why the scientists actually have to know some math, physics and chemistry before they are licensed to work, wish the same were true for politicians.
So, unless you’re a LICENSED scientist, you ain’t $hit.
Hwuu, I assume Jeff dislikes Doritos because they could theoretically lead to dancing.
Scientists say…. nothing–not after making SarahK do unnecessary work then popping her cat in the face. Science! is a lot of things, but capable of standing up to a pregnant woman’s wrath it is not.
Um, liberal scientists get degrees and grants and tenure, but they don’t need licenses to practice Science!
Scientists say that although Governor Jindal is of Indian (not “Welcome to my casino” Indian) descent, he’s still just another dumb cracker from the Bayou and is therefore a dumb cracker.
Scientists say that NASA’s mission is to lovingly ruffle a Muslim’s hair and say, “You’re all right, kid!”
Scientists sometimes forget to carry the 1. Nobody’s perfect.
It was a whole “ARMY of SCIENTISTS!” They are the SCIENCE ARMY. Frank is a scientist. What the world would be like if there were an army of Franks. That would be awesome!
First off, the question of future funding is a question for an ARMY of ACCOUNTANTS. But when you think about it, they have a point. We’ve all seen what happens when people lay sandbags down in the face of a flood without securing funding for their removal later on.
We’ve got to have a
civilian national security forceARMY of SCIENTISTS! that’s just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded.”All science!-tists need is a fax machine to impress the Nobel Peace Prize Winner’s lackeys at ABC.
“Remember, you can’t question any of this, because I… wield… Science!”
I hope you have a permit for that. Can’t wield science without a permit. $24.95 for a science wielding permit. You have to go down to the government office and stand in line. But, it’s so worth it not to have to worry about getting caught without a permit.
Scientists do nothing unless IT guys like me let them do it with their computers so Science is stupid and IT rocks! IT guys are even smart enough to have something called Disaster Recovery plans in case Dinosaurs with Rockets blast our Data Centers we have a plan. BP didn’t have a plan. Where’s the plan guys?
Yeah? You IT guys would be twiddling your thumbs and sticking bytes up your nose without us engineers.
Yea and you engineers would still be typing Dir *.xls /s /p on a green screen on your own PC not linked up on a network without us super awesome genius IT guys to make your pitiful engineer lives a little easier…
LOL. In your dreams, ussjimmycarter! Touche.
(BTW, I see IT guys typing at the command prompt all the time. Many of them HATE GUI’s!)
Do you guys need me to hold your pocket protectors while you fight?