As the incident in Britain showed us, many doctors out there could be terrorists (especially if you have socialized health care). Here are ten ways to tell if your doctor may be a terrorist:
TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL IF YOUR DOCTOR MAY BE AN ISLAMIC TERRORIST
10. No matter what’s wrong with you, he always wants to cut you open.
9. Before examining a woman, tells her to take off her pants and cover her hair.
8. For tough cases, he says he needs to consult his imam.
7. Among his surgery tools is his decapitation knife.
6. Always tells you your case is terminal and that you should consider sacrificing yourself for Allah.
5. He once gave you a prescription for anthrax.
4. During a checkup, he makes you cough five times towards Mecca.
3. You see on his notepad he listed one of your symptoms as “Infidel.”
2. To treat a rash, he tries to set you on fire.
And the number one way to tell if your doctor may be an Islamic terrorist…
You come in with flu symptoms and he diagnoses it as a severe case of being a Jew.
If his name is Dr Bombjews
He has this “whole boby” blood-pressure cuff…
He tells you to stop eating bacon. What kind of sick sunuvabitch would do that?!?!
You ask him the name of his medical implements, and his response is “shrapnel”.
You can pay your co-pay in Semtex.
His medical degree is from a madrassa.
The receptionist is wearing a burka, and so is his pet german shepard.
The doctors parking spot has a camel tied to a palm tree.
His medical office is a cave.
His ten year old daughter is married.
All his surgical tools are box cutters.
His vaccination gun is an AK-47.
He refers to your bagel as a “death donut”.
From my wife:
You left your old doctor and started going to this one because everyone kept telling you he was “the bomb”.
He checks your reflexes with a real hammer.
He has to stop 3 times during your exam to wash his feet and pray.
He gets all of his new medical data from the Koran instead of JAMA.
When you tell him your knees have been bothering you, he says not to worry- you’ll be dead soon enough.
He tells you to take two bombs and call him in the morning…from the downtown marketplace. With that special cell phone he gave you.
You think he’s really nice when he offers you the keys to his new Mercedes.
You notice his medical degree is from Al Qaeda University.
He majored in Internal Medicine with a minor in Improvised Explosives.
He doesn’t wear a traditional doctor’s surgical mask, but more like a bandana, and you notice he never takes it off.
The only magazines in his waiting room are out-dated issues of “Suicide Bomber Monthly” and “Jihad Today”.
He ends every visit with “Death to America.”
If there’s a television in the waiting room the channel is set to NBC/CNN.
If there’s a fish tank in the waiting room they’re all swimming around a replica of that huge mosque in Jerusalem. And the fish are all wearing bomb belts.