Fred Thompson will be announcing in less than a week, so we all must prepare. First off, I’d like to know what are your favorite Fred Thompson facts. You can look either here on IMAO or at a more nicely presented list here. I ask because I want to do some more facts merchandise to get your sweet sweet money. Muh ha ha ha!
“If you took Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, Optimus Prime, a .50 caliber Desert Eagle, a samurai sword, nachos, the lobby scene from the move Matrix, the computer game Doom, and a DVD set of the complete A-Team series and somehow took all their awesomeness and compressed into one thing, you’d still only have something half as awesome as what Fred Thompson flushes down the toilet after taking a crap.”
This happenes to be on of my personal favorites, although you did leave off: Hot Wings, the Sweedish Bikini Team, A cooler full of Miller Lite, and Ultimate Fighting!
“Fred Thompson will be announcing in less than a week …”
How many times have we heard that one?
I’ll believe it when I hear it.
Even then, I’ll be taking a closer look at Duncan Hunter and Tom Tancredo.
Daily Fred Thompson Fact: No, wait, there is no Daily Fred Thompson Fact — he’s still testing the waters.
How do you select a favorite from the world’s greatest compilation of absolute truths.
I for one am planning a major Fred Thompson Eve Celebration and carnival September 5, complete with hippie punching bags, terrorist shooting gallery and liberal mocking booths.
[When Fred Thompson asks you tell him about the rabbits, you tell him about the rabbits and you pretend your name is George. -Ed.]
Heh. This one took the particular cake that interests me. Of Mice and Men and FRED!
Believe Julie, Believe.
Haste is not an important consideration when selecting your next President.
Your moniker is hot btw, if you are in fact a Jarhead, and Julie connotes the customary gender. Nothing sexier than a woman prepared to execute amphibious assaults and who can kill you with a k-bar.
Let there be Fred!
“Four our of five dentists agree: You should avoid getting punched in the mouth by Fred Thompson. The fifth dentist hates you.”
Now that is T-shirt funny!
The three pigs in to a BLT is good as well. I am definately for a candidate that is pro bacon.
(Fred said I could pick this many)
Fred Thompson knows the airspeed velocity of a unladen swallow (African and European).
Every time Fred Thompson’s PC crashes, Bill Gates calls him and apologizes.
Fred Thompson can pickpocket a ninja.
Fred Thompson’s sheer willpower is so strong it can microwave a burrito.
When Fred Thompson is President, he plans to open up the federal government’s strategic reserve of whup-ass.
“It’s time for people who believe that they have a stake in Western civilization and its traditions to get a little backbone – even if it offends someone.” -Fred Thompson
Waldo is hiding because of Fred Thompson.
Fred Thompson is a prime number.
Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.
Fred Thompson’s backyard fireworks display for Independence Day is so awesome, it often causes several European countries to surrender.
My personal favorite is, “The temperature of Fred Thompson’s icy gaze is negative twenty degrees kelvin.” This is because I am a complete nerd.
There are too many really good ones to start adding any for second place, so I’ll just leave it at that.
Oh, I also liked the one about his favorite book being a copy of The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress with which he once beat a hippy to death. This is because I got my name from that book.
In the presence of Fred Thompson, terrorists prematurely explode… even if they don’t have explosives strapped to them.
I liked the one about why it rains, even though it’s a touch sacreligious.
There have been a lot of great Fred Thompson facts. So many, in fact, that instead of a top 10, I had to list a top 15 (or is it that Fred Thompson’s top 10 lists have 15 items?)
Most favorite on top; descending from there.
1. Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn’t stopped wetting his pants.
2. Inexplicably, Fred Thompson receives a copy of tomorrow’s newspaper at his doorstep every morning. He uses it to wrap fish since Fred Thompson doesn’t care about either today’s or tomorrow’s liberal slant on the news.
3. Fred Thompson carries a .44 magnum at all times. He calls it his “veto pen.”
4. The actual cause of global warming: Fred Thompson’s burning rage.
5. When Fred Thompson empties his pistol at the firing range, it reloads itself out of respect.
6. Fred Thompson’s home alarm system automatically calls the police, but it seems kinda useless since they’d never arrive in time to save the burglar.
7. To save tax money, for a while Tennessee reduced it’s police force to just Fred Thompson armed with a claw hammer. During that time, there was no crime in Tennessee or any contiguous state.
8. Fred Thompson has enough strength to throw Rosie O’Donnell ten feet.
9. Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico. There was no illegal immigration for a month.
10. When Fred Thompson is elected President, he’ll be the tallest American President ever, beating Abraham Lincoln by an inch and Jimmy Carter with his fist.
11. Harry Reid once got a black eye from a memory of Fred Thompson.
12. To help Fred Thompson get to sleep, he has a white noise machine at his bedside. The settings on it are the ocean, a babbling brook, and the dying screams of his enemies.
13. Before Fred Thompson can announce his candidacy for president, his campaign has to file an environmental impact statement.
14. Knowing is half the battle. The other half? Fred Thompson.
15. You’d have to eat eight crowbars to get the amount of iron that’s in one bowl of Fred Thompson.
I’m comment 12; I forgot to make sure I was signed in.
Hey Frank, when you setup a shirt for printing, do you Trademark / Copyright it?
If so, how?
These are way too good to choose just one. Here is one I like:
Fred Thompson carries a .44 magnum at all times. He calls it his “veto pen.”
Hey Frank, when you setup a shirt for printing, do you Trademark / Copyright it?
It’s protected by copyright laws whether it’s registered or not.
When Fred Thompson had to watch Sleepless in Seattle with his wife, somehow that version had ninja attacks, gun fights, and explosions. He still thought it was gay.
Fred Thompson’s tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, Fred Thompson never cries.
I really don’t know which “facts are most factual.” I do know that Fred Thompson now gets a chance to speak and be seriously considered. It’s possible that within several months, you’ll have your slogan, Frank.
My favorites – Fred Thompson is the only person to beat the Kobayashi Maru scenario without cheating.
In case it one day needs a backup, Fred Thompson has memorized the internet.
An abortion doctor tried to kill Fred Thompson when he was still in the womb, but he cut off the man’s hand with scalpel while shouting, “Do you know who I am? I’m Fred Thompson!”
Fred Thompson knows the average wind speed of an unladen swallow.
At a campaign stop, a Belgian Hound tried to hump Fred Thompson’s leg. That breed of dog no longer exists.
Fred Thompson knows the last digit of pi.
And the all-time, hands-down best without question – Fred Thompson can know both the exact position and momentum of a particle. Furthermore, he knows Schroedinger’s cat is dead because he personally strangled it.
I don’t know if my opinion has more or less weight since I’m not a Fredhead, but here are some that I found especially good:
Fred Thompson has never heard of soccer.
Fred Thompson once wrote a poem that was three times as lovely as a tree.
In a Fred Thompson administration, there will always be room to disagree with him. That room is called the morgue.
In the series Law & Order, Fred Thompson plays the title character.
Fred Thompson’s response to the debate question “What do you dislike most about America?” would be to rip off Chris Matthew’s head and shove it up his ass.
Fred Thompson is a prime number.
Fred Thompson often fills in for Paul Harvey and Batman.
Inexplicably, Fred Thompson receives a copy of tomorrow’s newspaper at his doorstep every morning. He uses it to wrap fish since Fred Thompson doesn’t care about either today’s or tomorrow’s liberal slant on the news.
Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn’t stopped wetting his pants.
My favorite Fred Fact is, “Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico. There was no illegal immigration for a month.” (thanks Lionstone)
Not because I’m anti- immigrant but because I’m anti-criminal.
I like the sciency ones.
“During the last ice age the glaciers started retreating when they heard Fred Thompson was coming to Tennessee.”
“The asteroid belt between Mars and Saturn used to be a planet until Fred Thompson heard it was inhabited by dirty hippies.”
“When Fred Thompson picks his teeth with a .44 Magnum and it goes off, the velocity of the ricochet exceeds the muzzle velocity by 110%.”
My favorite fact is he still hasn’t announced…I’m still hopeful.