Remember, remember the fifth of November.
Today is the day to express insane political views!
HD DVD doesn’t actually have a better picture than regular DVD. The extra space on the disk is filled up with programs allowing the government to spy on us through our TVs! Russians spy on us through Blu-ray!
We could keep the peace just as easily by replacing police officers with raccoons riding sheep dogs armed with tasers! Support freedom from the police state! Giver raccoons tasers and put them on sheep dogs!
Write your own insane political view/conspiracy theory in the comments. Best one wins high praise and will be reported to the FBI.
War is never the answer. As long as you give them what they want, they won’t attack you.
Ron Paul really is the best person to run the most powerful country in the world!!!!!
Free the Gilligan 7!
to save the environment we must use only 1 square of paper in the bathroom, rely on the wind and sun for electricity, and with our powers combined, call upon Captain Planet.
Big Brother is monitoring our lives through electrical power outlets in our homes. They can watch us through the television and they can do evil things to our computers, even if they’re turned off. They also can send strong radio signals through our electrical devices to give us cancer, erectile dysfunction, and gout.
It doesn’t matter who wins the election, Bush will have his soul secretly transferred to that person and will continue to rule the US.
It doesn’t matter who wins the election, Bush will have his soul secretly transferred to that person and will continue to rule the US.
#6 – Posted by: Jim K on November 5, 2007 10:44 AM
So Bush = Professor Charles Xavier?
John Edwards 4 President
Tin foil is engineered to pick up government frequencies! Use eco-friendly decorative colored foil instead! It picks up NPR and aquaman!
9/11 was orchestrated by Elvis to cover up his involvement in the Kennedy assassination.
Ron Paul used to work as a secret agent for Mossad, and at one point in his career, acted as Jimi Hendrix’s double.
Karl Rove has genetically engineered an animal that helped steal the elections in 2000, and 2004, is causing global warming, fired a bunch of US Attorneys, helped Bush get out of going to Vietnam and pressured his superiors in TANG to write him favorable reviews, did all of Bush’s homework and took all of his tests for him at Harvard and Yale (because he’s so dumb), orchestrated the 9/11 attacks, and blamed Osama.
It’s either half man, half bear, and half pig, or half man and half bear-pig.
MAN-BEAR-PIG!!!!!!!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manbearpig
9/11 was orchestrated by the US government! Bush knocked the towers down!
Most people are too stupid to make decisions! A goverment full of educated elites needs to make all decisions!
Protect us,
from us!
Sadly, No! is a humor site.
You know those chemical trails you see in the sky behind airplanes? The ones that don’t dissipate quickly actually contain sedatives designed by the government to keep the population from demanding the impeachment of Chimpy McHitler and being “good” citizens. My sisters ex-boyfriend told me this and he used to be a chemistry major in college before the government kidnapped and brainwashed him.
Congress has failed to “End the War” ™ because KKKarl Rove has threatened their families with waterboarding if they try.
Bush has been leading all the evil secret societies of the world (freemasons, skull & bones, knights templar, etc…) and plotting to take over the world for centuries! He’s been covering up UFO sightings this whole time because he’s using alien technology to bug all our houses, cause global warming, kill millions of innocent people, and just generally turn the whole world into a police state for a brief period of time before destroying it entirely.
Whenever you fire a handgun, Chimpy McHitlerburton records the sound, trajectory, and wieght of each round, as well as how often the shooter washes his/her hands and will use that information to ship all dissenters to a secret Rendition Camp which is actually built inside a hollowed-out volcano where they will be waterboarded by Darth Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld.
Stringent gun control (read: NO GUNS) is the only way to stop crime.
Trans fats are evil.
Rosie O’Donnell has a PhD in physics from that infomercial college I see on the TV at 2 AM.
The reason I’m watching TV at 2 AM is because Chimpy McBushitler makes it impossible for me to sleep by sending black CIA helicopters over my farm to release anti-sleep gas. I know too much, you see, and if I’m sleep-deprived, everyone will assume that my ‘rants’ are because of lack of sleep, when in reality they are the TRUTH!
The MIT study linking the wearing of tin-foil hats to amplification of the government mind control signals was funded by the CIA to get the tin-foil off your head.
My theory is that democracy is for the stupid masses. It works best when you have the most uninformed, illiterate people from all over the world deciding all issues that affect our lives. And every aspect of life should be politicised so that it may be rendered by democratic action. There is no such thing as “republican government” because that would imply that all is decided and no democracy is required to run it. Republican government is anti-democratic. Let’s get rid of it.
George Booooosh will use the Diebold Corporation to rig the 2008 election to alter the constitution so that he can serve unlimited terms of office, make it mandatory that FoxNews must be on every television in the country, and imprison everyone who has a skin shade darker than the color “Humble Gold” on the Sherwin-Williams website.
Cthulhu Rises!
The Bush Administration and Halliburton are secretly listening to your dumb-ass telephone conversations! They’ve collected incontrovertible proof that you think Lindsay Lohan is “smokin’ hot”!
Am I the only one who remembers the tragic consequences of “Flouridation of Water”? It’s why I only drink bottled water. But not Evian, because that’s just ‘naive’ spelled backwards and has flouride added to it. It’s all there in Nostradamus’ notes.
Hillary Clinton won’t commit to withdrawing the troops immediately because she has learned that the One Ring may be hidden in ancient Mesopotamia. Oh wait, this was conspiracy theories, not Hillary Terrible Truths. My bad!
The MSM is biased in favor of the evil reich-wing Rethuglicans!
The hippies are not what they seem! They are actually a vast sleeper army genetically engineered from dogs and homeless people under the control of the Democrats! The Democrats use weed to keep them under control. One of these days, a trigger hidden inthe song “Proud Mary” by CCR will set them off and they will rise up to destroy this country. With all of our armed forces overseas, we woln’t be able to fight the real enemy here (hippies and Democrats). Start growing weed to help keep them pacified! NOW!!!
Chimpy Mcbushitlerburton used his weather machine to destroy New Orleans in order to distract us from the fact that the joooooooooooos are planning to use the rethuglican media to brainwash us and convince us all to submit to their hateful discrimination against the Religion of Peace and their peace-loving leaders such as comrade Ahmadinejad.
Fire can’t melt Rosie O’Donnell!
Cancer is caused by bad thoughts & can be cured by Dianetics.
Don’t you talk bad about Hitlery Or Pelosi; they’re a couple of smokin’ hot babes!
Booo$h spent billions of tax dollars to fund an illegal war to steal all the oil from the agrarian reformers in the middle east. The resulting high gas prices actually proves it!
All this bullst wit’ the fkin’ politicians, man. S’like 1970 all over again, man! I’m totally bummed, man! Pot should be legalized for those bozos, man! Got any spare change, bro?
Loved #25 “It’s all there in Nostradamus’ notes.”
If the Rethuglicans win in ’08 I’m moving to France just like I said I would after the last two elections.
We need to get back to the gold standard and get rid of the Federal Reserve and the Constitution doesn’t explicitly grant us the right to drive cars and at this point the shrieking can only be heard by dogs
THE TRUTH:
1. OJ was framed by the minions of Xenu because he knew too much. His search for the “real killers” is actually code for his search for the pair of special cool-ass sunglasses that will allow us all to see them as they really are.
2. Athletes “caught” using “steroids” or other such “performance-enhancing drugs” are actually replicants. The drug tests detect their alien biochemistry. George Mitchell’s secret mission is not to expose them, but to cover up their presence among us so that they can infiltrate other areas of society.
3. “Doctor Who” is actually a documentary.
4. The Freemasons created themselves in order to hide the fact that there was a real order of Freemasons attempting to secretly rule the world.
5. Man, I have the munchies all of a sudden, man.
6. Any time you give blood, your DNA is added to the Vatican supercomputer database in their attempt to create a regiment of ubermensch with which to conquer Earth.
7. Really… I could totally go for a veggie burger or something.
8. Nuke power is bad, which is why the GOP wants all the brown peoples of the world to have unlimited access to it. Then when they’re all dead, Halliburton can steal the oil in peace.
9. Tim McGraw, Lee Greenwood, and Alan Jackson have sworn a blood-pact to assassinate Bono if he ever runs for President, so he just sings for a living.
10. Ron Paul is actually the Heaven’s Gate dude. The Hale-Boppans gave him the power to return to earth to save us all, by infiltrating the Retardlican Party and sweeping to victory with Dennis Kucinich as his running mate.
Doc says it’s time for my “medicine.” (It’s really prune juice and sodium pentathol, but I know the antidote! Don’t tell!)
It’s the end of the world as we know it…and I feel fine!
Vietnam was an elaborate conspiracy to murder liberals. Known only to select few, the draft during those years wasn’t random – it targeted liberals!
All non-liberal “draftees” were actually volunteers, who sent those democrats in the middle of the jungle to be killed by the staunch US allies, the Viet C.O.N.G.s (Communists – Or NOT! Gotcha!).
The development of Modern Industry, therefore, cuts from under its feet the very foundation on which the bourgeoisie produces and appropriates products. What the bourgeoisie therefore produces, above all, are its own grave-diggers. Its fall and the victory of the proletariat are equally inevitable.
The Democrat party is an elaborate scam by the Illuminati, Majestic 12, Freemasons and Lizardonians to make everyone die of hiccups due to excessive laughter.
Bush lied phrenic nerves died!
Cauliflower tastes good.
Vegetarians are morally superior.
Animals are entitled to rights; unborn babies aren’t.
It is a verifiable fact that the sinister Bush Administration orchestrated the crumbling of the face of the Old Man of the Mountain. It was all part of his evil plan to conquer the New Hampshire voters by crushing their spirit, giving them a foretaste of his wrath, should he lose the last election. Clearly, this tactic was effective.
the fact that fiber therapy only comes in smooth texture lately( tho they still have an empty space on the shelf for original texture) is all part of the 90210 conspiracy!
“We could keep the peace just as easily by replacing police officers with raccoons riding sheep dogs armed with tasers! Support freedom from the police state! Give raccoons tasers and put them on sheep dogs!”
Fully enforce the Second Amendment right to arm bears!
The Jooooooooooos, in an attempt to make the oceans rise so they can flood the Gaza plain and drown out all the Palestinian-Heroes-Who-Only-Want-Peace-And-Harmony, have teamed up with President Booooooooooosh to nuke Iran, steal all the oil, take it to the ice caps, and set it on fire. Karl Rove and the rest of the Neocons will then set up their homes on a mountain of human skulls in what used to be the New York Times building after they have knocked it down for daring to print the twoof.
9/11 was a test run to learn how to practice using “aircraft” (wink wink) to knock down a building. The test run was a success and now the Rethugs can go ahead and use more “aircraft” (wink wink) to knock down the New York Times building. Booo$h already has the news conference recorded and the memos have already been printed up on non-recycled paper expressing regret and that he will now be nuking Syria, Pakistan, and part of Argentina as well.
Ron Paul! Sieg Heil! er…I mean Freedom…yeah, that’s the ticket!
PETA is just a front group for the Bushitler administration in their bid to destroy the environment and hoard all the proffits to themselves. How, you ask? By keeping more animals alive, they breath our precious oxygen and spew out carbon dioxide. More animals means more pollution. Still don’t beleive it’s a plot? Then why does the government have the Endagered Species Act? To keep more animals alive and pumping out the pollution! Of course those things all came to be before Bushitler was elected. That just proves it was all a plot by the Illuminati, by putting all these things in place ahead of time to pave the way for Bushitler and his evil cronies, and to deceive all the geniuses in their very own basements. The Goracle is right; it’s a planetary emergency!
Obviously, things have come to a head. The only way we can help Lord Gore now is to take up arms and kill all the animals, and PETA, too.
The Masons and the Illuminati are everywhere, together with the help of packs of stray dogs that control most of the major cities in North America, the New World Order is upon us.
fire cant melt steel
The earth is hollow, and another small sun blazes within the sphere, which is open at the poles. And another civilization lives within the Hollow Earth. Velikovski rules!
Darth Bushitler, under direct order from the Jooooooos, is removing mountaintops and using them to transform the moon into a giant space station capable of destroying an entire planet with its laser. Fortunately, Kunich and Kos (twins separated by birth to protect their identities, even though they don’t know it yet!) have teamed up–even kissed a couple times–to bring down this evil Empire with their ragtag group of Liberebels. We’re encouraging everyone to join us! Free Xterminate-GOP-Wing pilot training is available NOW!
Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Have an Evil day
The real resaon for daylight savings time? To make the sun go down an hour earlier and stave off Global Warming.
Smooth creamy peanut butter is a socialist plot to pussify America’s fighting men!!
Real mean eat crunchy peanut butter!!! Only real women eat crunchy peanut butter and give birth to real men.
SILENCE!!
I WILL NOT TOLERATE YOUR INSOLENCE!!
I DEMAND A LITTLE RESPECT!!
…
THE WORLD IS MINE!
Fire doesn’t melt steel -Magic does.
Blacksmiths created the lie to cover up the fact they practice witchcraft.
Ronald Moore and David Eick are personally conspiring against me by making Chief Tyrol and Saul Tigh Cylons. No one, not even Aaron Douglas (whom I’ve met), can convince me otherwise.
Having to wait extra-long for both the season 3 DVDs AND for the season 4 premere isn’t helping either!
The Holocaust was a Zionist plot to cover up the fact that Hitler and the Grand Mufti Al-Husseini (not related to Saddam, but he’s Yasser Arafat’s uncle) were right, Joooos are evil and Bush is their puppet in their plot to get land with oil (really… they wandered the desert for forty years and didn’t find oil before).
“Mary Jo ahssured me she could swim befoah she got into the cah.”.
Bill Clinton didn’t have sex with that woman.
Ron Paul is seriously studying a North American – Atlantis trade union, complete with trading stamps.
If we let them have the Sudetenland, we’ll have peace in our time.
No, really, I can prove that anyone on the planet is no more than six degrees away from Karl Rove.
Dennis Kucinich promises to normalize relations with Mordor, just as soon as we squeeze those nassty hobbitses, eh, Preciousss?
The UFO Dennis Kucinich saw was full of aliens from the future warning him that Rethiuglicans will doom the world if he doesn’t save us…Dennis, you’re our only hope.
The government put satellites into space, and out-lawed lead-based paint. Seems unconnected until you realize that even Superman can’t see through lead. They’re watching us!
The moon landing was faked — because there IS NO MOOOON TO LAND ON!!!! It was made up to pretend that tides are a natural event rather than a side-effect of weather-machinery in operation.
Gravity also doesn’t exist, and what does only applies to people who are too dumb to recognize the truth — which is why the rest of us have been flung off into outer space (I have managed to escape this terrible fate by learning of the truth while indoors, and never going outside again. Don’t cruise internet rumor sites while outside!)
(Not original, but needed here. 🙂
All contributers to the blog IMAO.us are actually the same person. FrankJ, unhappy with being a single person, pretends to be fictitious figures such as Harvey, RightWingDuck, and occasionally when feeling daring, SarahK.
The chick modeling on thoseshirts.com want me…