Though it seems inevitable that the terrorists will eventually succeed in a new attack, these foiled plots in Britain show that the terrorists have trouble with even pretty lame attacks. Here’s some other foiled terrorists attacks you may no have heard of:
UNSUCCESSFUL LAME TERRORIST ATTACKS
* Stealing all the newest magazines in hospital waiting rooms.
* Not turning off cellphones during movies.
* Heckling school plays to break our nation’s self-esteem.
* Driving ten miles below the speed limit on highways.
* Buy all the pie at the supermarket so if someone is really craving pie and goes to the store to buy pie, there will be no pie.
* Removing yellow paint from curbs so curbs are less visible.
* Setting selves on fire to overwork the local burn ward.
* Preparing mass spoiler campaign for the release of the new Harry Potter book.
* Voting for Democrats.
Don’t forget that they’re also the ones eating all of the Cracklin’ Oat Bran as well as tricking unsuspecting restaurant patrons into drinking Folger’s Crystals instead of their regular coffee.
Two on your list are especially egregious and cannot be tolerated! 1) Driving 10 miles an hour below the speed limit and 2) Voting Democratic. I can almost forgive number 2 but in my book violation of number 1 is grounds for being sentenced to the middle of a man-pile at Abu Grab with periodic “Water-Boarding Behavior Modification” sessions!
Those failed in Britain, but they were only tried there because they worked in France.
The pie one might actually work.
Reporting every stinkin’ minutae of Paris Hilton’s post prison life to drive all thinking Americans to suicide!
With all these failed attempts, maybe we could use a line from Harvey’s take on libtards and just say it’s “because terrorists suck”?
Hostage, That one is working actually. Straight razor and rope sales have skyrocketed!
And no doubt they’re the ones responsible for putting cheese on my turkey sandwich no matter how often say “No Cheese”.
The damned terrorists have even taken a page from the Canadians. They are working in fast-food joints, and putting mayonnaisse on everything!
The image that comes to mind is that of The Devil in the 1967 classic “Bedazzled”, starring Dudley Moore and Peter Cook.
While The Devil is trying to get Stanley (Moore) to sell his soul for seven wishes, he goes about committing random mischief like tearing the last page out of Agatha Christie books, popping buttons off dress shirts and scratching vinyl records. Funny stuff.
However, we must guard against a NY Timesian dismissiveness about these foiled attacks. Nineteen guys with boxcutters planning to hijack planes seemed pretty lame too, ’til you throw in the 3,000 dead…
‘phant,
hmmmm…you just might be right on that. Oh well, at least they haven’t thought of the most effective attack they could make…take out all the coffee fields in the world. Can you even IMAGINE our armed forced trying to function without coffee?!?!? Sure, they’d be grumpy and angry but too lazy and listless to do anything about it! Sorta like KOS.
Hostage,
You’re like a damned prophet. We must get the Department of War (F*** Defense. Best one is a good Offense) to invade the coffee producing nations and implement Regime Change. Hell, even the douchey white liberal guiltards would get behind that.
Let us never become as the KOSsacks and DUmmies. More Blood for Coffee!
Now i am all hungry and wondering, can islamists take mincemeat pies?
take out all the coffee fields in the world. Can you even IMAGINE our armed forced trying to function without coffee?!?!? Sure, they’d be grumpy and angry but too lazy and listless to do anything about it! Sorta like KOS.
Posted by: FormerHostage on July 2, 2007 01:52 PM
Hostage,
You’re like a damned prophet. We must get the Department of War (F*** Defense. Best one is a good Offense) to invade the coffee producing nations and implement Regime Change. Hell, even the douchey white liberal guiltards would get behind that.
Let us never become as the KOSsacks and DUmmies. More Blood for Coffee!
Posted by: DesertElephant on July 2, 2007 01:57 PM
You silly men, don’t you realize this has already been scenario’d in Superman 3 with Richard Pryor…as with Office Space, anything tried in a movie is no blueprint for a real life catastrophe.
Shim, Don’t mock it! They may steal spankings next.
“First they came for the pies, but I was silent because I didn’t like Key Lime. Then they came for the coffee, but I was silent because I liked Red Bull. Then they came for the paddles, an no one said anything because they were too damned tired and kept bitching about pie.”
You remember that old poem. Fight now, before there’s nary a red-cheeked bum left in the world!
“Buy all the pie at the supermarket so if someone is really craving pie and goes to the store to buy pie, there will be no pie.”
Even floor pie? D’Oh!!
Oh yeah?!? Well Al Gore says global warming is gonna kill us all, and Day After Tomorrow showed how bad it’s going to get and….uh….
…hmmmm….
…never mind.
mmmmm, bacon. Everything goes better with bacon. Bacon pie, – topped with bacon? 😛
“Preparing mass spoiler campaign for the release of the new Harry Potter book.”
Are you calling me a terrorist?:
http://www.imao.us/archives/007789.html
Repeatedly yelling “Headon! Just apply directly to the forhead!”
you know, i never thought i could hate terrorists any more than i already do – but if they ruin the ending of the new harry potter, we’re going to have some major issues.
They’ve also tried burning all the tobacco in the convenience stores to send the nic-fits to smokers.