… I had to go to a soap store with her at the airport.
As SarahK admired all the funky looking soap, the shop clerk happily informed us that all the soap was handmade without chemicals. I was about to inform her that was impossible because all substances are composed solely of chemicals, but SarahK hit me.

I gave SarahK a present to take home with her with the instruction not to open it until Christmas. Long story short, Orlando security was temporarily shutdown and SarahK was surrounded with police.
I thought she was going to check that bag!
Details here.
Anyway, a portion of the profit from each IMAO Christmas CD goes towards the SarahK defense fund.

Michele of A Small Victory has a guest blogger, and there is something really cool about him that I can’t quite put my finger on it (actually, he tells a great Christmas story; go read it).
BTW, not much time left to order the IMAO Christmas CD and get it time for Christmas. You can all sit around the fire, sip egg nog, and listen to the tale of Bush saving Christmas from the terrorists. Afterwards, you can see the greatest thing ever put to film – The Happy Dance.
That link again is the IMAO Christmas CD.
Remind me later: we need to talk about my Christmas schedule and how that will affect the free ice cream.

I got this IDE to ATA converter and put it on my 120GB IDE IBM hard drive, but have been unable to get my computer to recognize there’s anything there. Any ideas how to troubleshoot? I put the jumpers on the hard drive to master since I wasn’t sure what there should be for this.
UPDATE: Yeah, I checked the BIOS (first thing I did) and turned on all the SATA ports (there are four of them – one used by the harddrive it came with). I’m starting to think I’ll just wait until I run out of space and buy a SATA drive…

Know what would make a great gift got the holidays? The IMAO Christmas 2004 CD! Own some IMAO humor for your very self or as a gift for loved ones. You only have until Sunday to order it in time for Christmas (and who knows how long until the limited edition CD sells out). Again, when you receive, please comment on how you liked it (without spoiling anything about the Happy Dance).
Also, IMAO t-shirts make great gifts. Make sure that everyone has a W2 shirt in time for Bush’s inauguration (only sold out in 3XL – considering the number of orders Doug has filled so far, he must have printed up a ton).
Also, don’t forget great autographed books from Premiere.
And any patriot will love Whittler’s book Silent America. If you haven’t read his essays before (or haven’t read them all), then now’s a great time to order and see them. If you have read them all, then you already know how worthwhile the book is. Go to his website to order (and his story about Michael Moore appearing on the show he works for).
Time is running out to get things shipped by Christmas!
That reminds me, I still have a bunch of presents to buy. What do I get for the T-Shirt Babe who has everything (namely me)?

Extra! Extra! Read you headlines!
Headlines grabbed from Google News unless otherwise noted:

From CNN’s frontpage: Jim Carrey, other stars flee hotel fire in London
Those Hollywood elites – can’t take a simple hotel fire like us a regular folk.
* * * *
San Antonio to require strippers to wear badges
Will weird San Antonian fetish spread elsewhere?
* * * *
From CNN’s frontpage: CIA: New audiotape likely al Qaeda leader
New leader so revered that only Muslims clerics are allowed to rewind him.
* * * *
New Met Martinez fires shot at Red Sox
Will there ever be a stop to violence from athletes?
* * * *
From CNN’s frontpage: A hero remembers the Battle of the Bulge
Aquaman gets a $400 question right in Superhero Jeopardy due to having seen a documentary on the History channel.
* * * *
Six Palestinians killed in southern Gaza
Yet life goes on.
* * * *
UN and US Concerned About Suu Kyi Restrictions
“Can’t get enough Suu Kyi!” US and UN exclaim.
* * * *
Soldier Charged With Having Himself Shot
Could face firing squad for his crime.
* * * *
US citizen may have right to fight Saudi jailing
Definitely have right to party.
* * * * *
US designates al-Manar TV ‘terrorist’
al-Manar says its constant reruns of Suddenly Susan aren’t an attempt to kill anyone.
* * * *
3 nominated to key state agencies
Were chosen after seeing how good they are at keying cars.
* * * *
Federal agency proposes threatened status for orcas
If they won’t respond to threats, air strikes may be next.
* * * *
Linux goes mainstream
Home users into the tens.
* * * *
DMX Busted For Driving With A Suspended License
“I swear I also had an illegal gun on me,” DMX exclaimed after being laughed at for lamest rapper arrest ever.

This feature had become so popular, that I’ll have to cut back number of reader citations. Here’s a couple funnies in the comments from the last post, but, if you have time, I recommend going back and checking them out yourself:

Continue reading ‘Headline Fun IV’ »

I keep seeing fox and henhouse references about the U.N. everywhere, but, for the record, I made that joke about the U.N. way back before anyone was even reading my blog.

If you’re wondering how the babe fight went between SarahK and Risawn, here is an animated gif of the combat.
Damn you, Scrappleface!

New crazy muckadooery from Democratic Underground. A woman who was eight months pregnant was murdered and the baby was cut from her stomach. Since its possible the baby is still alive, an Amber Alert was issued. But the CNN headline reads “U.S. alerts for stolen fetus” and the story describes who they are searching for as “an 8-month-old white female fetus” even though what we’re clearly dealing with is a baby. D.U. agrees with me on this, but they’re shaking their tiny fists in impotent rage because they think the reason the baby is being called a fetus is because of Christian fundamentalists in control of the media.
Try and follow the twists and turns of that logic without getting lost.
If regular people are on Earth, these people are way up flying through the cosmos – angry at everything they see. So, how many of these people are there? Are they just a tiny minority of complete nutsos, or do we need to keep our shotguns loaded?

The Democrats are in disarray and need a new leader, if you haven’t heard. I think I have the perfect person: me!
“But you’re loyal to the Republicans!” you’re probably now saying.
True, but, like any good loyalty, it can be bought.
So, for the right price, I will help Democrats with ideas like these:
* Make a great recipe for nachos. Then, if someone says, “You’re nothing but tax-happy, whiny, pacifist wussies,” you can answer, “Yes, but try our nachos.”
* The Democrats are getting too associated with nutso lefties and moronic Hollywood elitists. Have a super-huge “progressive” celebration hosted by Michael Moore in which all the Hollywood left and other muckadoos are invited. Then, burn down the convention center. Make sure no one survives. Act really sad about it for at least three days.
* Democrats need to train hard to stop being such “girly men.” There will be a rigorous exercise routine every morning, afternoon, and at dusk. Finally, Democrats will be dropped into the middle of a forest with nothing but a survival knife. Those who return will be fit to run for office. All others shall feed the worms!
* Democrats need a cool name. The current name is just too ugly sounding.
“Honey, I just finished cleaning some crat out of the gutter.”
Instead, change name to something that’s popular, like ‘NSync.
* In a popular book among dejected loser Democrats, it’s explained how using euphemisms can help Democrats convince people to their side. Why stop there? Instead, let’s come up with completely made up, nice-sounding words for bad things. “Taxes” can be skooble. “Abortion” can be chirpy-diddle.
“We need more skooble to get chirpy-diddle for the poor. Who could be opposed to something so cromulent?”
* Enfranchise monkeys. Studies show that monkeys respond better to the simpler shape of the ‘D’ than the more complex shape of the ‘R’. This should make them a solid Democrat voting block. Be careful, though – they bite!
* Two words for attracting more people to the Democratic Party: Free hat.
* Have a gladiatorial arena for settling inter-party disputes. Those who survive will once again be the stronger candidates. All others shall feed the worms!
* Poisoning your opponent seems to be all the rage in Ukraine; maybe we should import that.
* Since Republicans seem to have a monopoly on the Christian God, try gaining the support of the gods of old like Zeus of the Greeks and Odin of the Norse. Have them challenge the power of the one God. Hopefully that will work out well.
* If worse comes to worst, you can always put LSD in the water come election day.
With all this advice, Democrats should do super-good. Now give me money!

It’s not as good as the happy dance video, but you get to see how the Bush administration is at acting. Go to the White House webpage to see it.

For all the contest winners, your book orders have been placed.
For everyone who didn’t win, it’s probably a good idea to order soon if you’d want to get one as a gift in time for Christmas.
(BTW, when I get my book out, I’ll make sure there’s a way to get an autographed copy… I probably should start working on that now…)

Scott McCollum has this message about the IMAO Christmas 2004 CDs:

Wow, the IMAO Christmas 2004 CDs are going fast… To those who have already ordered THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Frank is on track to sell all of the limited edition CDs by the end of the week. If you haven’t ordered yet and want a CD for Christmas, you may want to think about ordering before Sunday December 19th.
NOTE: For any IMAO Fans in the United Kingdom that want to purchase a CD, please order before Friday 17 December 2004 to receive your copy by Christmas. Unfortunately, all orders received after 12:00 A.M. GMT on 16 December 2004 will not be filled.

When you people get them, please tell me what you thought of the new content and especially of the Happy Dance. DON’T post any spoilers about the Happy Dance; I want everyone who sees it to be surprised… surprised with happiness!
Description of the full contents of CD, a montage (MONTAGE!) of clips of the new audio, and a teaser image for the Happy Dance is here.
Funds go towards future IMAO projects, so order soon and have a merry Christmas!