With the problem of these fictional soldier and their fictional atrocities, shouldn’t we put together some fictional tribunal to get to the bottom of this? BTW, if I write it, fair waring that the trial will get broken up by terminators from the future. Whenever a story drags, I suddenly have terminators from the future attack. They’re a great device because every single story can have a future from which terminators can attack. Whoever wrote Pride and Prejudice could have used that advice.
Wouldnt you need a fictional investigation first, or is that already covered by the press now?
I seem to remember one jack-ass who made up a bunch of stories about our troops in Vietnam…something about cutting off ears and such, “in a manner reminiscent of Gengis Con.” What ever happened to that idiot?
The people of Mass. keep sending him to Washington so that they dont have him hanging around them.
Whoever wrote Pride and Prejudice could have used that advice.
That would be Jane Austen, and she certainly could have. She had a real talent for compressing the largest possible number of words into the smallest amount of action or thought. I’d much rather read “In My World” than Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, or Emma. Of course, I’d rather read the Sunnyvale telephone book than any of them.
Elizabeth told her the motives of her secrecy. She had been unwilling to mention Bingley; and the unsettled state of her own feelings had made her equally avoid the name of his friend: but now she would no longer conceal from her his share in Lydia’s marriage. All was acknowledged, and half the night spent in conversation.
Suddenly, the air crackled with electricity and the distinct odor of ozone. Hulking, man-like shapes materialized in the midst of the disturbance, glistening of metal and cradling objects that appeared vaguely like the rifle that Elizabeth’s father used to hunt quail. There would be no more conversation that night, nor ever again….
THE END.
Damn you Master Shake! I just choked on my drink. Bastard!
We could have Phoenix Wright do the defense:
http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=2086264
Terminators. Is there anything they can’t do?
i mean besides self terminate?
To bring it all “full circle,” you must have a cameo appearance of Carl “You magnificent evil bastard” Rove.
Perhaps he could be the evil mastermind inside of Skynet?
Bwah-hahahaa!
Sounds like another case of someone being, as a friend calls it, a “Professional Veteran”. That’s someone who has so much experience (usually WAY too much) in military affairs, but no credible proof of it- aside from another autonomous source who corroborates the stories, usually from afar or after a few beers.
I’ve know guys who were Navy Seals one week & Special Forces the next, all without ever leaving the city. I worked with a guy who would do his level best to convince people what a dangerous assassin he was, but only try to relate his unique skills to one person at a time, and he was bound by oath not to disclose any details!
We all run across them from time to time:
“I was a sniper/explosives expert/CIA spy/the real Jack Bauer/super ninja/the guy they based McGyver on/etc, and I was so involved in the behind-the-scenes/behind-enemy-lines that blah blah blah and I could kill a man with a bubble gum wrapper & a Twinkie blah blah blah, but I can’t tell you anything more, or I’d have to kill you blah blah blah…”
I have not had the misfortune of meeting anyone like the posers mentioned above. I do have the distinct honor of knowing a real SEAL and a Marine Major with a combat command tour through Iraq. You know what they have in common?
Except for the justifiable point of pride for the Major that his command got through Iraq without a fatality. They don’t brag about ANYTHING that they do in the service to our country.
Once scripts are written, Dan Rather may be consulted on faxing them in…
“I was a sniper/explosives expert/CIA spy/the real Jack Bauer/super ninja/the guy they based McGyver on/etc, and I was so involved in the behind-the-scenes/behind-enemy-lines that blah blah blah and I could kill a man with a bubble gum wrapper & a Twinkie blah blah blah, but I can’t tell you anything more, or I’d have to kill you blah blah blah…”
That’s why I always advise: never TELL people what you can do, just have bodies show up at the watercooler covered with bubble gum wrappers.
They suspect it’s you when A) You don’t look surprised or B) you’re the only one not asking “How did they kill him with a single post-it note”?
B) you’re the only one not asking “How did they kill him with a single post-it note”?
Well if you fold it in half with the sticky side out you can make a sharp corner that…oh crap I’ve said too much. Where do you all live again…nevermind, I have my sources….
Post it notes? Bah. The dad of a friend of mine in high school swore he was a former spook. He would even tell us stories of how he could kill a man with a straw. Until I asked him one day if you could do it with one of those twirly spiral straws. He then moved on to paper clips. There must be one of these people in every town.
@Challenger – I wouldn’t believe it unless the bodies were covered with Bazooka Joe wrappers though. They crinkle more and hence require more skill to use.(sarc) ; )
I have encountered more than a few fakes. The most audacious/mentally disturbed is chronicled hither: http://jawa.sigspace.net.
Sig