John Edwards’s first action if elected President? Installing an all-Streisand karaoke machine on Air Force One.
Bonus Facts from Matt:
John Edwards’ turning point against corporations was when he narrowly lost out to a soft, anthropomorphic teddy bear for the the title of the “Snuggle Soft Dryer Sheet Mascot.” “Edwards Soft” has since become the measure of just how soft someting can be — making newborn kittens extremely jealous.
John Edwards lost his role to the Pillsbury Doughboy mostly due to the fact that he was unable to stop giggling uncontrollably when poked in the belly button.
If the US forewent spending 6 Million Dollars on rebuilding Lee Majors in 1974, invested half of it’s government budget on R&D, and recruited the brightest minds from around the world, we STILL wouldn’t have the technology or capability to create a bionic representation of the glamour and lusciousness of John Edwards’ hair.
John Edwards lost his role to the Pillsbury Doughboy mostly due to the fact that he was unable to stop giggling uncontrollably when poked in the belly button.John Edwards lost his role to the Pillsbury Doughboy mostly due to the fact that he was unable to stop giggling uncontrollably when poked in the belly button.</i)
I thought it had more to do with the internal injuries it caused.
(That, and the shame of losing the malpractice case against his doctor)
John Edwards lost out on a bid to be the narrator for Teletubbies as he was even more gender indeterminate than Tinky Winky.
In fact, John Edwards formed a new software company called “EdwardsSoft.” It directly competes with Microsoft but with a big difference: instead of just freezing your computer with the blue screen of death, a hand actually comes out of the computer and strokes your hair for John. The sensory data from that is then uploaded (called “calling home”) to Silky’s powerfully soft servers.
John Edwards was the Fourth Power Puff Girl, known as “Giggles”, but was dropped from the cast after scheduling conflicts arose due to his standing nail appointment.
No, we had a lovely time. Your time stank.
Note – KT was referring to a couple spam comments which have since been deleted, since they were not even entertaining enough to qualify for the Museum of Stupid Comments.
//…he was unable to stop giggling uncontrollably when poked in the belly button.//
Are you sure it was his belly button…?
A Sickly Flamingo once breast fed a lost and nearly feral John Edwards back to health. It then slathered itself in BBQ sauce and prayed for deliverence from it’s incredible shame.
Forewent? Is that a word?