Last autumn, Elizabeth Edwards was nearly arrested for spousal abuse until it was discovered that John’s numerous bruises really HAD been caused by falling leaves.
Bonus Fact from Pork & Beans:
As a trial lawyer, John Edwards would pace back and forth in front of the Jury droning on and on about talking to dead fetuses. This was when the phrase “Pussy Footin'” was coined.
Bonus Fact from Casper the Friendly Host:
John Edwards hates licking stamps for his scented correspondence. Not only is it so laborious, but the taste reminds him of Lance, and that was a summer fling he’s already cried too much over. (sigh)
Casper the Friendly Host FTW!
john edwards sees no distinction between a taser and a 9 volt battery.
john edwards sees no distinction between a taser and a 9 volt battery.
(so funny i had to post it twice…)
Harvey,
I believe the arresting officer’s report read “Weapon Used-Cottonwood seed & 3 MPH breeze”.
John Edwards doesn’t just tap his foot in the bathroom stall, he does a tap dance routine that gets the late great Sammy Davis Jr. snapping his fingers and repeating the line: The Candy Man Can.
John Edwards no longer swoons and faints dramatically in public.
The last time he did that someone chafed his wrists to bring him around.
I’ve seen photos of the bruises. They ain’t pretty.
John Edwards would have been an Olympic medalist; if they had a ‘run like a girl’ event.
John Edwards feels confident in threatening terrorists with ‘giving them a good talking to.’
After all, his parents made that very same threat to him once. It is his darkest, most horrible childhood memory.