10) Low energy, bad lip-synching, and looks flabby in a two-piece.
9) Kept interrupting speech to hand out new contracts to Halliburton
8) Secretly replaced Ted Kennedy’s gin with water, leading to an unsightly episode of DT’s.
7) Repeatedly dropped second and third syllables of Bushitler.
6) Didn’t demonstrate bipartisan objectivity by surrendering microphone to Code Pink protesters.
5) Forgot to acknowledge Democrats’ hard work in supporting the troops.
4) Wore medals on chest instead of throwing them over a fence.
3) Tested microphone by saying “I have a plan for Iraq” in mocking, high-pitched John Kerry voice.
2) Careless omission of the words, “failure”, “quagmire”, and “Vietnam”.
And the #1 Democratic complaint about Petraeus’s Iraq report (see extended entry):
1) His eerie resemblance to Fifth Element‘s Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg:
1) His eerie resemblance to Fifth Element’s Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg:
Sweet! That means our troops will get the ZF-1 in the near future.
That was worse to him than the “General Betray Us” ad. I can’t wait for the publicity from the public condemnations!
“Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction, disorder, and chaos. Therefore your complaints about Iraq only underscore our progress there. Now about the funding for the ZF-1…” – General Zorg
Maybe they’re long lost brothers… with Zorg being the emo one
Also, have a friend who used to have that funny haircut, to this day he is greeted with the refrain “Where are the STONES?!”
The good thing about the ZF1 is that the handle is adjustable, good for Righties and Lefties. So the Dems should have no problem with this bipartisan weapon.
And it didn’t come with tin foil hats. That’s the kiss of death.
“7) Repeatedly dropped second and third syllables of Bushitler.”
Did you mean “dropped first and fourth syllables”?
Buler doesn’t make as much sense.