TRENTON (AP) – After a New Jersey senator proposed a bill making it illegal to give or sell a toy gun to a minor, New Jersey citizens began circulating a petition to ban the ownership of realistic-looking toy cigars by politicians.
“The margin between a politician’s stupid mistake and a tragic ending is far too thin,” said Scott Bach, who’s spearheading the petition drive, “only 22 votes in the Senate, as I recall.”

Just too darn dangerous for politicians!

Bach started the petition in late June and hopes to pressure the New Jersey legislature to pass a law this fall. He said the movement stems from an incident in Washington, D.C., where a highly-placed elected federal official was impeached after playing “hide the Cohiba” with an intern.
“A politician once used a real cigar to precipitate a constitutional crisis that very nearly brought this country to its knees – the part that wasn’t already in that position, I mean,” said Bach.
“We need to stress to our politicians that cigars are not sex toys, but an adult recreational indulgence which should always be enjoyed with extreme caution and handled without lascivious intent,” Bach said. “Restricting access to imitation cigars will help drive that point home.”
Adultery rights advocates in the legislature plan to fight.
“It misses the mark because it demonizes toys instead of criminal behavior,” said Senator Nicholas Scutari, who serves as chairman of the New Jersey Association of Dirty Old Elected Men (DO ‘EM).
If the measure is enacted, New Jersey would join several other states that have restricted access to realistic toy cigars for politicians.
New York, for instance, got Wal-Mart in 2003 to stop selling toy cigars not imprinted with the words “for external use only”. The retailer has also agreed to stop selling toy cigars in skin-toned colors such as black, tan, and peach and paid $200,000 in civil penalties.
Bach’s proposal would make it illegal to sell or give to any elected official an imitation cigar, which is defined as anything “reasonably capable of diddling a chubby intern.”
Bach said the move would help police and independent counsels figure out whether a cigar is either fake or real, but Scutari said it would be an intrusion upon cheap plastic novelty retailers and consenting adults.
“This bill seeks to intimidate retailers of even crappy carnival consolation prize-like items rather than to address the bad acts of politicians who use imitation cigars in furtherance of sexual adventure,” Scutari said. “An intern who gives a politician a toy cigar would be guilty under this legislation.”
“Sometimes a toy cigar,” said Scutari, “is just a toy cigar, even if it DOES make a great marital aid.”