IMAO has long advocated nuking the moon, but what do you really know about the moon? I had my crack research team find all they can about our natural satellite, and I bet after reading this you’ll want the moon nuked right away.
FUN FACTS ABOUT THE MOON
* How the moon was created is still a matter of scientific debate, but most agree it was Satan.
* Documents show that the moon plagued early man, often stealing their children.
* Why can’t you see the moon during the day? It hides then because, like Batman, it figures it’s much more threatening in appearance at night.
* Scientists say that to hold a higher position is to show dominance. So why does the moon float up there in the sky? Because it thinks it’s better than us.
* If confronted by the moon in a dark alley, blow your rape whistle.
* The moon is so evil that radical Islamists can only stand to use a sliver of it as their symbol.
* Astronomers note that the moon is the number one source of light pollution world wide.
* It has been shown that the moon is immune to bullets, poison, and being stabbed with a flag pole. The only thing that could possibly harm it is a nuclear strike.
* It’s said the full moon can cause people to go crazy. That means the moon has been conducting psychological warfare against us for ages.
* Jupiter has over sixty moons and is completely uninhabitable by human life.
* About once a month, the moon completely hides shadows. This is when it plots against us.
* Despite its evil, America was forced to put men on the moon and claim it as their own to keep it from falling into the hands of Commie evil.
* If America ever tries to use the moon for its own purposes, it will be consumed by the moon’s evil. That’s why they must destroy the moon where it was created: Mount Doom.
* There’s a piece of moon rock displayed to the public at Kennedy Space Center. When you touch it, you can feel your soul whither.
* The moon, like the puma, has no concern for human life.
* Since the moon controls the tides, it’s responsible for the creation of such evils as tidal waves and surfer dudes.
* The moon always keeps the same side facing the earth. What is it hiding on the other side? Most scientist agree it’s acres and acres of pot.
* In the 1950’s, America considered nuking the moon to prove our dominance over all of God’s domain, but the whiny, weak Democrats stopped from fear of angering the moon. It already hates us and wants to kill us, idiots!
* The moon can be useful as its gravity can slingshot a craft towards Mars. Airplanes use a similar effect to speed up cross-country flights by using the gravity of Michael Moore.
* We left some moon buggies parked on the moon. I’ll bet you the hubcaps are missing.
* In a fight between Aquaman and the moon, the moon would mess up the tides until they threw Aquaman into some power lines.
* Scientists mention numerous possible benefits from nuking the moon such as world peace, learning the cure for cancer, and gaining really awesome video of a mushroom cloud.
* Venus has no moon and has never been under the threat of Communism.
* If you are ever attacked by the moon, don’t panic. Death is certain, so you might as well meet it like a man.
start the count down, I’m convinced.
You failed to mention the evil scourge of moonbats sent my the moon to plague us.
You failed to mention the evil scourge of moonbats sent my the moon to plague us.
Actually, the moon hides in it’s own shadow about once a month. Of course anything that can do this is inherently evil. It’s every six months or so that it hides in the earths shadow…but then it turns blood red as it unleashes its death rays upon the unsuspecting.
[Oh yeah; duh. Stupid crack research staff… -Ed.]
I’ve held off on saying this for a long time, but today I cannot hold back.
The mushroom cloud is an atmospheric effect.
It is visible because the heat and plasma form clouds in the atmosphere.
It is shaped like a mushroom cloud because the rapidly rising heated air rolls outward rotating about a toroidal-like axis to create the mushroom head.
In the vacuum of the moon, you would see only a momentary bright flash.
There’s also the danger that the moon would crack open, releasing the imprisoned demon hordes within.
[Why do you hate dreams and imagination? -Ed.]
“* Why can’t you see the moon during the day? It hides then because, like Batman, it figures it’s much more threatening in appearance at night.”
One has to ask why one never sees Rosie O’Donnell and the moon in the same place. There is speculation that the two evil beings are actually one and the same. Rumor has it that if Rosie bends over you can actually see the enormous moon…but that one’s just a rumor, and the scientific community – to this point – has been unwilling to check.
You forgot to mention the moons influence on the Weak-Minded, turning them into Moonbats!
[Why do you hate dreams and imagination? -Ed.]
Sry. I R Njneer.
“That’s no space station… that’s a moon!”
The moon is an evil mechanism once employed by an ancient patriarchal society – which somehow invented technology unmatched even today – to subjugate us females! BLOW THE MOON TO SMITHEREENS AND FREE WOMANKIND!
That the moon was created by Satan is merely a theory. Still, I believe it should be taught side-by-side in science class with more traditional theories, and let the children decide.
Fred! can save us from the moon, right? Right?!
Speaking of nuking the moon, I sited a Nuke the Moon shirt in the wild last weekend at the Robert Heinlein Centennial in KC, MO. I would have said something to the owner but I was caught in a conversation with a rather bombastic Canadian friend. I was speaking several times about NASA and stuff. Didn’t get round to the nuking part.
That an American flag on that moon! It may be an evil moon, but it’s OUR evil moon.
Thanks alot, Frank! I’ve always known the moon to be evil but have held out hope that we were at some level protected by Aquaman. Yes, I know he’s a queer little “super” hero but he’s our queer hero – and now you’ve detroyed all hope for mankind with one stroke of your maserful pen…you evil genius!
[That an American flag on that moon! It may be an evil moon, but it’s OUR evil moon.]
So what? The same case could be made for Democrats, yet I still have fantasies of blowing them up.