In a stroke of strategic brilliance, the UN has authorized the deployment of 19,000 new peacekeeping troops to the troubled Darfur region of Western Sudan, nearly quadrupling the current multinational force of 7,000 already on station.
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“The decision to send additional armed forces into a war-torn area” said UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, “is a move that’s utterly unprecedented in the history of modern warfare. Only a sophisticated military genius such as myself could have thought of it.”
French UN Ambassador Jean-Marc de la Sablière hailed it as “the best idea ever for putting a stop to civil unrest”, saying that “it’s too bad nobody else ever considered a similar option, because – even though I’m not a gambling man – I’d gladly bet my bloated government stipend that this decision is a sure winner.”
Britain’s Ambassador, Sir Emyr Jones Parry, was in complete awe of the plan. “it’s almost as though the troops will be ‘surging’ into the area,” noted Parry enthusiastically, “shooting the bad guys and protecting the innocent. You’d have to be either ignorant, dishonest, or some sort of subversive traitor to pretend this isn’t the intelligent way to go.”
Although completely unconnected to the decision, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called a press conference to lavish praise on this startlingly original plan.
“I’m not usually in favor of anything even remotely war-like,” said Pelosi,” but… DAMN!… how can you NOT love this? Freakin’ BRILLIANT!”
“It’s a crying shame,” she concluded glumly, “that none of America’s war strategists were imaginative enough to dream up something like this. We could’ve actually had a shot at winning this war. Pity our only way out now is to cut our losses, slink home, and lick our wounds.”
Thank you. That made my day.
This is hilarious! I’ve been reading this blog for almost a year now and I finally had to sign up so I can tell you how awesome your right wing, conservative, humor is.
Yeah these people are crazy… like people wouldn’t notice they were waiting for the U.S. to make decisions… I’m suprised the U.N. decided to do anything at all. They are usually so useless.
19,000 UN “peacekeepers”? Gee, are there enough women and children left in Darfur for them to get in their full complement of rape and forced prostitution, or will they be fighting each other over who gets to go first?
We need to sign up? Do I get a newsletter? A tote bag? A sippy cup?
I’m confiuz-ed. Was that sarcasm?
Master Shake was, unfortunately, NOT being sarcastic.
Doubledgesun, is no longer in the darkness of never-having-commented land.
Excellent.
Ban Ki-moon –
Yaw ritta chalade does not foo me. We boat know dis miritelly escaration is nutting maw dan a plactice lun faw de invasion of Da Peepers Democlatic Lepubric of Kolea.
Any attempt at impeeliast agglession wirr mean de totu annihiration of aw UN and US fawces. And I’m not fooring – we got nukrea weapons ya know, so deah…
Calling Hans Brix!
Calling Hans Brix!
Don’t worry guys. Since they’re under UN control, they’ll sit back, pop open a cold one, and watch as the militias slaughter innocents 5 feet in front of them. They’re PEACEkeepers, remember?
Ayup.
This’n ain’t gonna go well. kinda like all the others…
Harvey brought teh funny today. Thanks Harvey.
Shut up and back in the whack-a-mole game, Kim Jong-Il!