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Finally, armed robots are being deployed to Iraq to kill terrorists. This is something I’ve always pushed for: The more primitive the enemy, the more awesome it is for us to use high-tech weaponry against them. The only thing is I think the robots should be as tall as buildings and have thunderous footsteps. Think of it: If the enemy is hiding in caves and are armed with secondhand AK-47s and we’re attacking them with giant robots — backed by space lasers — they’ll know they have no chance. I don’t care how great they think their god is; he can’t take on giant robots and space lasers — he’s not Thor. They’re just
going to give up, and then we’ll have peace. In fact, we’ll have so much peace we’ll be able to demand they hand over any valuables they have or we’ll kill their children. So, if we’re interested in peace, we need to invest in giant robots and space lasers.
Oh! And we should have flying things with spinning blades that scream! That would be awesome!
(hat tip Hot Air)
So basically we need to deploy Blackout the Deception to Iraq.
1) Building size.
2) Lasers (not space lasers but still).
3) Spinning blades.
4) Screaming.
All hail Megatron!
So basically, we need to deploy Blackout the Decepticon to Iraq.
1) Building size (2 story anyway)
2) Lasers (not from space, but still!)
3) Spinning blades.
4) Screaming.
All hail Megatron!
Why not take it one step further and have them normally disguised as a regular tank or a hummer, or even just a boulder. Then, they transform into the giant robots and pulverize our enemies!
Operation: Autobot
They would never expect our secret projects to be so conspicuously titled.
Also, if I end up wanting to work at NASA for some reason, I will totally pitch S.M.I.T.E. to them.
I still think we need to track down the Transformers and get Optimus Prime in there.
There is a massive robotics revolution coming much sooner than most people think. The rate at which computional power is increasing is staggering. It will be awesome because we will have our own robot chefs, robot butlers and stuff but it will also lead to massive unemployment mostly of lesser skilled jobs like many of the jobs that people living in the Red States hold. Oh well. Who care right? Like Bush and Limbaugh are fond of saying people who can’t find a good job are just lazy.
Can they be fitted with huge speakers so that they can Mock the terrorist before they destroy them. Nothing drives home the whole total annhialation thing like good old fashioned pre-distruction mocking. And maybe it could play “War Pigs” by Black sabbath.
just saying
Can they be fitted with huge speakers so that they can Mock the terrorist before they destroy them. Nothing drives home the whole total annhialation thing like good old fashioned pre-distruction mocking. And maybe it could play “War Pigs” by Black sabbath.
just saying
And the speakers can emit, focused, beam-formed spread-spectrum frequencies in pulses over 220 decibels that are capable of liquifying gray matter. And a giant LCD screen is attached showing scenes of “Mars Attacks” and the exploding green brains of the aliens. This way, they know what’s about to happen before their brains flow out their eye sockets onto 130 deg. F burning dessert soil.
OH WOW!! It’s a-
What is it?!
It’s a-
What is it?!?!
A Hunter Destroyer Machine
And they should have cool racing stripes on the side…
If they read the DU or Kos, they’ll know to wear tinfoil to block our supersecret microwave weapons.
Wouldn’t it be easier to build a fake mountain with caves that turn into giant garbage disposals? No, that’s totally not as cool as flying things with spinning blades that scream, but it could make a nice flushing sound when it was through… Just trying to have a fiscally and environmentally responsible solution to the problem.
The robots should blare music that sucks. Nothing would demoralize an enemy more than hearing ‘Jitterbug’ at 200 decibels while bombs are exploding.
What about small buzzsaw robots that drive six inches under the ground and track them by their heart beats?
Almost as cool as Blackout, and we can get corperate sponsorship from Blackendecker and Ryobi.
Oh, come on! That robot looks like Johnny 5! You know the minute these war machines gain sentience through random lightning bolts they are going to go all soft and Ally Sheedy on us!
I like the sound-weapon-and-Mars-Attacks thing but I don’t think a sound weapon is nearly as impressive as a flame thrower. I mean – from a distance, a sound weapon wouldn’t have the impact as one of these robots shooting flames 500 feet in the direction of terrorists/hippies. And we all know that televising the things killing is the way to make the rest of the terrorist/hippie wannabe’s get out of our way.
“I don’t care how great they think their god is; he can’t take on giant robots and space lasers — he’s not Thor.”
Good one.
Wow, Sarcasm Man is a luddite. Surprise, surprise.
I can see its great-grandfather in 1902, “Stop building them horseless carriages, don’t you know you’ll put buggy makers out of business?”
I bet you can’t wait for the Butlerian Jihad.
The sound weapon is not impossible. There is now tech for using intersecting supersonic beams to produce spot interference (beat frequencies) in the audible range, at any volume. For crowd control, or communication, or as a weapon. Simpleminded e.g.: focus the crossing just next to someone’s left ear, and whisper, “Fug you, fug you, fug you …” over and over into the mic. Inaudible to the person right beside the target. Works at 100s of yards distance. The possibilities are tantalizing …
;-D
Great idea, cptnmoroni, that flame thrower. After the video warns and the sound liquifies, the flame thrower tidies up and leaves the place charred fresh and clean. Nice touch. Environmentally (biologically) friendly.
Yes, Shim. It is a Hunter Destroyer. And we will use it to seal their meaty fate. They will rue the day. They can begin now. We’ll be sitting over here watching them rue.
Veeshir, I’m already preparing for it. I’m in my 25th year of mentat training.
I’m a little worried. Is this “Rise of the Machines”? 🙁
This is just the prototype. The T-1 model will be operational momentarily.
-Kimberly, Cyberdyne Public Relations
I for one welcome our new robot overlords.
RE: Hwy93, I think if you’re going to go with Ozzy, the better choice is “The Wizard”: “Evil power disappears/Demons worry when the Wizard is near.” War Pigs wouldn’t be bad, though.
One of my favorites. Of course, you could go the opposite direction and take the Jackie Wilson “Higher and Higher” cut from Ghostbusters 2. Giant evil death-dealing robot shooting lasers, blowing up buildings, all blaring “YOUR LOVE, LIFTIN’ ME HIGHER/THAN I’VE EVER BEEN LIFTED BEFORE” over and over… awesome. Either way, a winner in my book. Have DARPA get on that, OK?