After reading throuh comments, I have to say that many of you need help. Serious help!
For that, I blame myself. After all, IMAO are like my children; and what am I doing? Sitting on the couch drinking beer while my kids play with sharp knives. So it’s pretty much like real life. However, considering that – at last count – there were 400 million Americans without medical care, that means that it’s up to me, Dr. Duck, to help you with my sound advice and pearls of wisdom.
So what are your questions? Relationships? Career? World events?
I am here to answer it all.
As the great Italian inventor Leonardo Da Vinci once said: I miei calzini sono blu. Farli gradicono i miei calzini blu. Perché siete che leggete questo? Non avete vita? Lo avete pensato avete avuti avreste parole della veritâ dentro qui? Dovete essere non pratici con IMAO.
(Loosely translated: Life is short. Blame Bush for the bad economy)
Leave your questions in comments.
Answers will be up soon.
Is it true that if Hillary Clinton bites you, you become just like her?
The economy looks pretty good from my seat. I think the lazier you are, the tougher the economy looks…
In short, American’s need to start acting like Americans. We’re not Frenchmen, we’re not Russian, and we are not Cuban.
Dear Dr. Duck,
I have a Relationship question. I was absent-mindedly wondering how I might score with the chick advertising the “I Survived Roe v Wade” T-shirt that I see every time I log onto this fine upstanding conservative blog, without potentially pissing off her boyfriend and/or husband, and suffering potentially life threatening injury? Any suggestions?
Eternally hopeful,
“Man Can those Hip Huggers Get Any Lower”
Nubikins, New Jersey
Question:
If God love us, why does he let people like John Edwards, Dennis Kucinich, or Ron Paul exist?
Does this look infected?
How can I register to post comments at Michelle Malkin’s website? I want to tell her that I was the brilliant mind behind here favorite haiku.
What exactly is wrong with Ron Paul? Its really starting to freak me out
Do think she read it scarfed it from here, CO?
How do I get a job where I can sit on a couch drinking beer?
I let my children play with power tools. Is this okay?
Help the Duck, James. What is your QUESTION?
Mi non piacere Democrats. Che po fare a aiutare un Republican vittoria?
My wife is mad at me because I ate chocolate, which always keeps me awake at night. So my question is, should I buy the Milwaukee or DeWalt cordless drill?
Dr. Duck,
My question is this; if my teenaged offspring taunts me for being shorter than she is, would the best response be a solid forearm to the throat, or an awesome Chuck Norris style round-house to the back of the head?
I have a question, but I don’t know what it is. Could you tell me?
Mr. Duck, how many questions does it take to get some answers? Don’t you think there are too many patiently waiting here? And why can’t I make any declarative statements? Why are so many journalists so unqualified for their jobs? And why did Jim Cramer yell, “They know NOTHING!” and then the stock market went up? Why is the water blue when the sun is out? And…. [thunk?]
Are there cavemen in heaven?
Why do they slice pizza?
I can answer most of these questions myself, Jimmy.
1. No, we have penicillin and stuff now.
2. 36C, you idiot.
3. Imagine No Liberals girl is better.
4. I find your lack of faith disturbing.
5. No, it looks like Chinese food.
6. Michell Malkin has a web site? What is it called?
7. Ron Paul has two first names. Not good.
8. Yes. IMAO is the source of all.
9a. Just sit there and drink. Eventually you will be paid for it.
9b. Are they drinking, too? Because drinking and power tools don’t mix (see #5).
10. What is “Imagine No Liberals” size?
11. What is that, Arabic? Are you a terrorist?
12. Dewalt, moron.
13. Teenagers do not respond well to physical correction. You must shame them in front of their peers by getting all drunk and making a puddle on the school steps with your relief.
14. You were wondering if you could send me money.
15. This I don’t know.
#3, #17 – The “ATF t-shirt” girl is better than both. 😀
Ack ack ack? Have you pissed off the Duck, Socrates? I wonder why I don’t know if the Duck ever answers? Is it because I’m so new here? Don’t answer that.
I hope I have not angered the Duck. I just wanted to show you all how funny I am. But no one has sent me any money, or booze, or any of the other things by which I justify my shallow, pointless existence.
Dear Dr. Duck
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if that woodchuck was Chuck Norris?
What about if there were some anti-woodchucking ninja/hippies/watermelons (green on the outside, pink within) that were interfering with his “woodchucking” does this change the equation at all?
(Duck, please forgive, this is only commentary. I cry foul!)
Only P U R E logic can justify your existence, Socrates. Can I send you some Scotch? Or would you prefer Gin? I’m outta money this week – spending so much time at IMAO (with no ANSWERS, thanks to Duck or Frank! Let’s cut that Duck guy to the quick – minus his feathers! I mean he insulted us in his opening remark: “need help”). What thinkest thou?
#3, #17 – The “ATF t-shirt” girl is better than both. 😀
#18 – Posted by: Tim on August 22, 2007 09:08 PM
Whatever, the I survived Roe vs. Wade is the best looking of them all…
Dr Ducky,
I have lost count, is this one of the odd numbered ask Dr Ducky question request where you actually answer some of the questions or is this an even numbered ask Dr Ducky where you never get around to answering the questions?
Follow up: Does this phenomenon with your blogging have anything to do with the well established pattern whereby every other Star Trek movie sucks?
Dear Jimmy~ No she got my haiku from the Seattle P-I website when they had the haiku contest to tell your feeeeeeeelings (God, I hate that word sometimes) about their refusal to run pics of suspected terrorists. Alas, I have found out, that I am not able to register at her website. It’s only open for a little while, and I missed the boat.
Maybe the answers will be forthcoming when the questions stop, eh, Dr.? No? (He’s dead, Jim, era, Brian.)
Socrates, you don’t have to convince me of anything, ’cause I laugh at everything you write (except your serious, logical stuff).
Well, then, CO, maybe Dr. Duck can get a real answer straight from the mouth of Malkin. And while he’s at it, convince her to let you register. I tried once and it came back with, “We’re sorry. The fingers you have used to type are too fat,” or something like that.
Dr. Duck, Sir,
When some tool sees my Slayer T-shirt then asks me if I saw the last Poison concert, exactly how hard should I punch his fruity face? Enough to leave a decent shiner, or so hard that I have to stand on his chest to pull my fist out of his face?
If the SPP is ratified will we own Kanada and meexico or is it just another liberal/fascist plot to make us pay welfare to the whole world?
Why is it still cool to walk around in public with half your undershorts showing?
Why do people laugh when I do it?
Dear Dr. Duck,
why does it hurt when I pee?
Dear Dr. Duck,
øPararíamos illegals si pusimos a Frank J en grietas del asno-menos, o apenas exageramos el problema? øSaldrá nunca que Harvey es mexicano?
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Oh brother.
Dr. Duck,
What is the one true faith, and can I participate in it without blowing myself up?
The best I can have translated for TheEJS:
To stop masters illegals if we put Frank J in cracks of the ass-less, or as soon as we exaggerated the problem? Saldr? never that Harvey is Mexican?
Another try from a different translator:
Stopping masters illegals if we put to Frank J in cracks of the burro-less, or barely we exaggerate the problem? Never that Harvey is Mexican?
IMAO gone wild(ebeast). I think I’ll go to bed now. Good luck with Socrates, shimauma.
RWD-
I sometimes touch myself ’til I bleed. Is that normal, or did I just reveal too much?
(No, I won’t describe WHERE, ya pervs. And no, I’m not a leper, either.)
How drunk do I have to be to understand DemSpeak & is there anything stronger than grain alcohol to help me attain that knowledge?
You’re in CA, right? So, where exactly is Carmen San Diego anyway?
Markos Zuniga/Moulitsas/Joto/Cabron is, apparantly, mainstream. How do I divert this “stream” and, in the process, how much bloodshed is TOO much? Not that I intend to maim anyone, mind you, but I say- “A bloody nose for each bloody-minded, bleeding-heart liberal.”
Dear Dr. Ducky,
Dear Duck,
When I have to take a dump, I have taken to telling everyone “I have to take a Hillary” Is this in bad taste?
Good morning, Jimmy. I hope she doesn’t tell ME my fingers are too fat! Something like, ‘we can’t register you because your husband’s stepmother’s mother is a flaming Florida liberal’ might be a better excuse. And exactly the reason why I read IMAO! 2 days with ‘Grandnana’ and I was ready to inject pure FrankJ or Harvey blood directly into my brain. Or something cooler.
If Michael Vick does 18 months in prison, what is the over and under for how many times he will be anally raped before he gets out?
Dear Dr Duck:
If you and Aquaman had a fight, would Chuch Norris be Fred Thompson’s campaign manager? Or what?
Dr. Duck,
Can my tongue withstand taste of the magnitude found in Admiral Ackbar cereal? On a related note, is it really a trap?
//IMAO t-shirt girl ftw
Dr Duck,
It is rumored that you and AquaMan had a Homosexual tryst. Are you still an “item” and if not, who dumped who?
Good morning to you, CO Housewife! Good luck with that registration thing. Hey, if Malkin picked your haiku as her favorite, the least she can do is grant you an automatic and honorary membership in her comments club! As an aside, the comments on her site are hard to read. Not here. Commenting here is so much fun – and I don’t have to squint! (Are you at Ft. Lewis, by any chance?)
Jimmy~ I agree that the comments on her site are hard to read…not because of the print, but because someone in comment #34 will respond to the #2 comment, and I have to go all the way back. I like Newsbusters comments set-up the best. But I am not CO of Fort Housewife at NB. And I am not at Fort Lewis! I’m in Nebraska while The Man is in South Korea.
Wish “The Man” well for us, CO. He’s a long way from home and South Korea can be stressful (been to Pusan area – oui!). And thank him for us for his service to our country!
If Elton John is on a train that leaves Dayton at 10AM traveling west at 60mph and John Edwards is on a train that leaves Sacramento at 11AM traveling east at 70mph, which train will be more festive?
dr duck,
if fred thompson and hilary clinton got into a staring contest, who would win?
Should I go with a nova pattern or classic black with a red stripe down the sides when I paint my bike, and exactly how hard should I kick the ass of college kids who want to talk to me about their “bitchin’ vespa”?
#3, #17 – The “ATF t-shirt” girl is better than both. 😀
#18 – Posted by: Tim on August 22, 2007 09:08 PM
Whatever, the I survived Roe vs. Wade is the best looking of them all…
#23 – Posted by: AR on August 22, 2007 09:35 PM
You all need to get real—visit the gun girls site and there you will see what a real woman looks like. There you get to see GUNS and chicks!!!
If a tree falls in the woods, and no is there to hear it, will Gore still blame President Bush?