WASHINGTON (AP) – Average scores on the reading and math sections of the SAT test declined slightly this year, indicating that America’s teenagers are dumber than ever. This news was greeted by jubilation from Democrats across the country.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi explained her party’s barely-suppressed giddiness. “The fact is, Democrats have nothing to offer the average intelligent, self-sufficient person. All we can do is take advantage of drooling idiots who want to put their lives in the hands of the Nanny State. Our only shot at political power is the votes of people who are too dumb to think for themselves. This time, it’s the jackpot. Think for themselves? Hell, these pierced & tatted Avril wanna-be’s can barely think at all!”
Ms. Pelosi took time out to dance a merry jig of happiness before continuing. “If current stupidity trends continue – and, like global warming, there’s no reason to think this trend could be just a minor statistical blip based on bad data – the US will be solid blue, ocean to ocean, by 2015, which my mathematical skills tell me is an election year. The only obstacle currently standing in our way is the fact that the word ‘vote’ is longer and more difficult than ‘cat’ or ‘dog’.”
However, some people objected to being called “mega-tard-tastic” just because of piss-poor standardized test scores. Miss Teen USA contestant Lauren Upton (Miss South Carolina) explained her point of view:
Afterwards, Ms. Pelosi danced another jig.
On Monday, I sent that YouTube link to a high school physics teacher. Her reaction: “God help us.”
I have seen this video before, I said it then and I will say it again; This is not a “Beauty Pageant”, it is a “Scholarship Pageant”, and Miss Upton was merely displaying how incredibly badly she needed to win that Scholarship.
Another good answer I read regarding the question put to Miss Upton was: “Because that 20% of “Americans” are illegal aliens who don’t speak english in the first place.”
Mega-tard-tastic. IMAO’s word of the day. I can’t wait to use it in a sentence. Or sentence fragment.
Ms. Pelosi danced another jig.
Whereupon Jesse Jackson held a press conference to denounce the fact that she did a dance with a racially-opprobrious name.
Again, the reason why Google trust IMAO for the latest breaking news that affects you. IMAO: Our fact checking is Mega-tard-tastic!
If current stupidity trends continue only home schooled children will be intelligent enough to do dangerous things like work machinery and run the country. So keep voting Democrats into your local school boards. They will make sure the unions keep your schools knowledge free.
In response, the Bush Administration announced that SAT candidates will be able to have undocumented immigrants take the SAT for them. Said one administration spokesman, “Illegals will pass tests Americans won’t pass!”
I went to the link in this post and made the mistake of reading the comments. Ugh. It’s amazing how libs can turn anything around and bash Bush with it. Maybe disturbing is a better word.
speaking as a teenage, i would like to say that most of us are not that stupid… but as much as i would like to say that, it would probably be a lie.
We need to do more than throw more money at this problem if we ever want to solve it. We need to accelerate the money to sufficient speeds so that it leaves a mark. Every school should have a federal education enforcement bureaucrat roaming the halls with a slingshot and a 50lb. bag of nickels. Whenever a teacher says something stupid, or a student gives a wrong answer, they get one right in the forehead. If test scores don’t go up after the first year, the enforcement bureaucrats switch to the Sacajawea(?) $1 coins.
I kept getting letters inviting me to try out for Miss Teen USA (or maybe just miss teen North Carolina). Anyways, I now find myself wishing I’d done it, if only to bring some intelligence into the competition. My answer: ‘Cause they’re morons too stupid to have payed attention in kindergarten.
What am I saying? I’m too… uh… modest to make it that far. Still, NC>SC.
Hazel, you’re on the right track. The correct answer is that 20% of the population have an IQ below one standard deviation of the population, or lower than 86. These people simply don’t have enough brains to read ANY map!
Pelosi continued, “In fact, the only thing we Democrats like better than a stupid American is a dead American soldier.”
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! That was was just to painful to watch! I have 5 kids under the age of 12, and 3 of them can find the US on a map……
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! That was was just to painful to watch! I have 5 kids under the age of 12, and 3 of them can find the US on a map……
Jim Rome played that on his show today. Over and over and over. It gave me a high praise contest idea.
What the f**k is she trying to say?
I wanted to drive my car into a tree to make the nioses stop.
I’m not shitting around, I’m frickin’ terrified. I have a 2-year-old, and I’m stuck with some real bad options here. I can homeschool her, and she might turn out socially retarded, or I can send her to public school, and she’ll probably turn out just plain retarded (and leftist-indoctrinated to boot). I’m going to give myself an ulcer.
Oh God, what if Obama wins and gets his mandatory-from-age-3 preschool program? Aaagh, I need a Maalox…
Private schools are usually pretty good if you can afford them… at least in the lower grades. Personally, I don’t really think that homeschooling from the start is the best option, for the reason you mentioned. I’d suggest you start off with public school, but let your daughter know her options when she gets old enough to make a decision about her schooling herself. However, if she stays in public school the whole time, she could still turn out wonderful as long as you take responsibility and teach her good values and stuff from home. My sister and her friends (with whom I’m becoming good friends) all were in public school their whole lives, and they’re all extremely un-retarded.
eye wint 2 publik skool and eyem gud peepel.