MESA, Arizona (AP) – Officials at an Arizona school suspended a 13-year-old boy for sketching what looked like a gun, saying it was quite possibly the worst thing ever created by human hands.
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Payne Junior High Principal Karen Martin said the boy deserved to be suspended for his talentless artwork. “Worst drawing I’ve ever seen. My 3-year-old does better than that with fingerpaints, and he’s a retarded epileptic.”
“When I first saw that picture,” said Martin, I thought, ‘What the hell IS that? A 5-eyed mutant with a moustache? An elephant that got caught in a hydraulic press? A cubist zeppelin?’.”
“When another student told me it was a gun, my response was, ‘Yeah… a really CRAPPY gun!’. At this point I decided to suspend the talentless little twerp, since there was no point in wasting more public funds on someone who has no future beyond maybe drawing pathetic stick figures on the internet or something.”
School District spokesman Terry Locke said that – although the crude sketch wasn’t actually a threat according to the school’s zero-tolerance policy where “possession or threatening use of any weapon, real or simulated, is strictly prohibited” – the inherant artlessness of the image “constituted a violent threat to the aesthetic sensibilities of the student body. This garbage makes Ted Rall look like freakin’ Rembrandt.”
The boy’s mother, Paula Mosteller, supported the school’s decision. “At first I was angry that they seemed to be singling my son out for no good reason. Then I got a look at that abomination he created. YEESH! I mean, is the trigger guard wearing a necklace? Why are there shark’s teeth at the end of the barrel? It’s got all the accuracy and realism of a Michael Moore documentary.”
“I’m so ashamed that he’s my son,” Paula concluded sadly. “I should’ve had my tubes tied 14 years ago and spared the world the misery of this drawing’s existence.”
Harvey, I’m almost afraid to comment. It makes me laugh and cry at the same time. God, how I dispise the people in “education.” We’re raising a bunch of whimps.
Don’t stop. Don’t EVER stop writing, Harvey!
Since we home school, all our students are required to have their own gun. At least one. And their own knife, maintained in a razor-sharp condition. Demerits are given for failure to maintain defensive tools in a ready state. The school does supply the majority of the ammo.
Harvey, you make me laugh!
One wonders whether this is the worst problem the school system has to deal with. There must not be any drugs, alcohol, pregnancy, sexually diseases, AIDS, gangs, violence or any of the other problems that beset most school systems.
Maybe the sun has so fried the brains of adults in Mesa that the inmates have taken over the asylum. One would think that being on the front lines of the illegal invasion they’d just be glad the kid knew what a gun looked like. I think they should all be trained in firearms, after all THIS IS WAR, ladies and gentlemen.
Indeed. And another question, though unrelated: why are so many IMAO readers afraid to comment on this? I don’t get it. Are we numb to the absurdity that Harvey has so eloquently brought to us? Because that absurdity IS in our public education system. And Harvey, bless his heart, sees it clearly.
Fortunately for me, my kids are grown. But what, I wonder, will their children find in that system?
We’re not numb, Jimmy. That’s just a really shitty picture of a gun. If you rotate it 90 degrees to the left, it looks like a skyscraper with a big awning on it.
He should have been expelled.
I still stand by my original supposition that the picture looks more like a government housing project with a dead crack addict on the sidewalk, than it does any gun I’ve ever fired. Instead of kicking kids out of school maybe they should find a way to better fund the art class.
You’d think the liberals, and especially those in academia, would be all for this idea. I mean you can’t very well justify having a National Endowment for the Arts without a constant stream of new artists to leech off the government teat now can you
I like the way you combined “National Endowment for the Arts” and “constant stream” in the same sentence. I think I’ll go wash my hands now.
Hahaha, this post was actually funny. Now, since I live near Mesa, I should drive over there and threaten the stupid monkey teachers with twisted bizarro weapons.
Crazy side note…so since when is IMAO considered a NEWS SOURCE?!