NEW ORLEANS (AP) – In a speech Sunday, Presidential candidate Barack Obama promised to make re-building New Orleans his top priority, saying that he would restore the promise of America’s “Chocolate City“.
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“It’s been two years since Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans,” said Obama, “and President Bush has done nothing to restore this city to its former glory. I will change all that. In order to cut through the red tape of re-building, I will eliminate the cumbersome bidding process and instead award the construction contracts to whichever company finds the lucky ‘Golden Tickets’ hidden under the wrappers of Chocolate City Candy Bars.”
“To further speed up the process,” continued Obama, “we will eliminate all requirements for expensive union labor. Instead, my plan calls for the importation of the entire Oopma Loompa tribe. These small but energetic workers will get the job done in half the time of worthless Teamsters or lazy Mexicans.”
“Finally, Lake Pontchartrain will be filled with delicious, creamy cocoa, while the levees will be re-inforced with millions of Snickers Bars,” said Obama, drooling slightly with hunger. “I believe this will give America the Chocolate City of its dreams. A city where delicious sweets – whether red, yellow, brown, blue, or orange – will be able to live together in harmony, regardless of the color of their candy shell.”
What? No Miss Green M&M? She’s a woman and a politically correct color! We need a woman in the oval candy!
She looks a whole lot better than Hillary too:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/missgreenmm/
But then what doesn’t?
I think Obama Barack should change his name to Barry X. It might make him seem as foreboding, like the bow tie did for Malcolm & the rest of the American Nation Of Is-lamb (ANOI for short).
Maybe he could use some of you crackers and make smores ?
Barack (the “Choclate Man”) Obama also plans to rename the New Orleans Superdome to the ‘Choclate Dome’ after having it painted a beautiful, Obama chocolatey brown. Games there will feature chocolate Obama Bars for the first 50,000 attendees – replacing outdated bobbleheads. Inside each Obama Bar will be a voter registration card for lazy, New Orleans residents who don’t vote and can’t read.
eSPO, that was great! But to be specific, he’d need graham crackas (i.e. hybrids); WE’d be the chewy ‘shmallowy goodness on the inside…
Don’t forget the milk. You mix the black chocolate and the white milk and get delicious chocolate milk.
Wait, no bombing someone? Where is the Obama we know and love?
Chocolate Towne Theme
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA
Ooh two Obama ads on IMAO, nice, Frank J. is effectively being paid by Obama to make fun of Obama…
He might also have to suspend some building and health codes to pull this off.
What happens when Michael Moore visits? Will he eat the Oompa Loompas as well or will he just stick to consuming the entire levee system? Obama should think about this because that man is fat.
So… does this mean we’re invading the Dutch next?
Indonesia is one of the world’s largest cocoa producers, so we could take out a bunch of Islamonazis and get the raw material we need for Chocolate City.
No blood for chocolate? Some would say that trade would be more than worthwhile!
This beauty contestant was actually born in New Orleans (thanks WorldNetDaily!). IQ = 92. She needs Obama’s help, apparently.
Beauty Contestant Moving to New Orleans to join Obama’s chocolate brigade.
That Snickers levee sure does sound delicious! How about we replace the roofs with shingles made of hershey bars?
With this news, I’m thinking of rescinding my promise to never go to New Orleans (made after Katrina aftermath and rip off of the taxpayer). I LOVE chocolate. But it sounds like I have to get there before Michael Moore or New Orleans will experience another “government blow-up of the levees” well unless Michael Moore blew up – now that would be awesome.
I just can’t wait until we actually do spend billions to rebuild slums in a disappearing delta while expecting the oceans to rise 20 feet. (Well, I don’t expect that, but the morons clamoring for the N.O. rebuild do expect the 20 feet. It’s only natural that idiots remain true to their calling ya know.)
California is about to lose it’s title as America’s Cereal Bowl- the land of fruits, nuts and flakes.
N.O. may be taking over the title. As a matter of fact, those of us who think that rebuilding a city in what constitutes as bowl is a waste of time money and energy have a slogan already available
“Rebuild just say NO to N.O.”
There was a report on one of the major networks about a woman who was forced to evacuate, sent to South Carolina. She has a nicer home in a nicer neighborhood but as she said “I might be able to live better here (S.C.) but I’m just not happy here”. She’s not happy in a better neighborhood with less crime and more services. She’d rather go back to her crime ridden neighborhood? I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.
There’s no such thing as an Oompa Loompa, however, Sean Penn looked very Oompa Loompa-like when he was trolling around with his gun after the flood. I think the intended affect was more of a Clint Eastwood type of thing, but it came off more sideshow dwarf.
Penn never learned to act, but maybe he could learn to make chocolate. He was with Madonna for a short while, so he must know how to shut up and take orders. Just a possibility.