Today is Columbus Day, the day we celebrate the strong taking what it wants from the weak. How do you plan to celebrate today? Hitting someone smaller than you? Taking candy from a baby?
26 Comments
Hurrah! I would make fun of my minority friends to celebrate but its fall break and I don’t feel like going anywhere.
Why celebrate Columbus Day?
Because there were lots of other folks here first, but it took a bunch of Italians to figure out how to make this place turn a profit.
I’m going to tell John Edwards to stop slap-figthing himself while simultaneously holding his delicate, limp little wrists and forcefully directing his smacks at his fragile cheekbones. Then I’m going to take his lunch money, upon which I’m sure he’ll mince off to tell his wife on me.
I’m loading up the brood in the SUV, making the three and a half hour drive to the border, and beating brown people with sticks. It’s a family traditon.
I’m gonna bitch-slap Hillary Clinton, then stick her with cactus spines, put her in burlap sack and haul her corrupt, socialist ass to the garbage dump.
I’m gonna get liquored up, watch Goodfellas and then go beat hippies with my aluminum baseball bat to the music of Pagliacci playing on my car stereo system. Then I’m gonna go to confession, like all good Catholic boys.
Oh wait. Can’t tonight. It’s my turn to cook dinner.
I’m going to go up to San Francisco, go to city hall, and beat the crap out of the Board of Supervisors. Then I’ll mail each of them home in a matchbox.
As for me, 1/4th of me is going to hide from you maiac white oppressors.
3/4s of me is going to hunt the other part down and slap myself silly untill I sign an unfair treaty with myself.
Didn’t make sense? Ok, then…..send me some beads and shiny stuff then, and you can friggin Keep Manhattan.
I’m going to email Bill Richardson & remind him that he has about as much chance of being president as a one week dead shut-in, who is currently less bloated than he is.
I plan on parading around flashing my “bling” that poor people cannot afford. Proving my superiority by having more things makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, just like the strong drinks that my Indian friends like.
I’m going to take my grandsons to the woods to sit in a tree stand and hopefully see deer. We will not get a shot because the 3.5 year old keeps up a running commentary on everything. That’s okay. I will be angering liberals everywhere by exposing these boys to traditional sport. I will then give the 1 year old candy, try to take it back, and wonder why people think this is an easy thing to do.
Think I’ll clean the ‘ole fire sticks and down some fire water. Instituting forced labor among short, brown people…uh, I mean under-represented immigrants…is frowned upon here in Mur-a-land (unless you happen to be a contractor, a liberal in search of a good housekeeper, or Roy Rogers).
I’m gonna take a local Portugese family, give them money to finance a take over of a local Reservation, then claim it in my name. How’s THAT for commemoration?
Sorry oh great swami, but it takes a real eurocentric male chauvinst pig to celebrate Columbus Day on October 12th, which when we all celebrated Columbus Day until the forces of public “servants” who wanted 3-day weekends moved all special days to a convenient day of the week.
BTW, The old couplet you learned was “In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.” Your kids are learning, “In 1492, Columbus brought small-pox too.”
Maybe Fred Thompson in his majestic power can give us back Columbus Day, Lincoln’s Birthday and Washington’s Birthday. We would give up Black- Civil-Rights-Leader-Whose-Accomplishments- While-Not-Trivial-Have-Been-Made- Into-A-Near-Religion Day.
I will be protesting this holiday by performing a tribute to the Gaia-friendly, peaceful native inhabitants of America.
First, to get some meat for my sandwich, I will drive an entire herd of cows over a cliff. Sure, most of the meat will spoil, but I’ll have my sandwich.
Then, I will declare war on my neighbors, kill a few, and take most of them as slaves. Slavery is good as long as you’re not a White Male Oppressor.
I’m just gonna sit back and imagine what it might have been like if the Vikings, Eskimos, Egyptians or Polynesians had also discovered the Americas instead. Oh…
I celebrated White Male Oppressor day by going to work and exercising my oligarchic hegemony to oppress the mathematically-challenged by devaluing their authentic mathematical experiences.
See, I knew that minor in sociology would come in handy!
Hurrah! I would make fun of my minority friends to celebrate but its fall break and I don’t feel like going anywhere.
Why celebrate Columbus Day?
Because there were lots of other folks here first, but it took a bunch of Italians to figure out how to make this place turn a profit.
Get a life! Go out and club a seal pup!
I plan on using my military & political status to try to get Limbaugh off AFR… if only I weren’t weaker than him, morally.
I’m going to tell John Edwards to stop slap-figthing himself while simultaneously holding his delicate, limp little wrists and forcefully directing his smacks at his fragile cheekbones. Then I’m going to take his lunch money, upon which I’m sure he’ll mince off to tell his wife on me.
I’m loading up the brood in the SUV, making the three and a half hour drive to the border, and beating brown people with sticks. It’s a family traditon.
I’m going to tell the plain truth to a bunch of monkey-faced bleeding-heart liberals and watch them shake and cry.
I’m gonna look at FABIO pictures when I get home, and eat some chocolate bonbons. That’s the best way to celebrate an Italian invasion…yummm!
I’m gonna bitch-slap Hillary Clinton, then stick her with cactus spines, put her in burlap sack and haul her corrupt, socialist ass to the garbage dump.
I’m gonna get liquored up, watch Goodfellas and then go beat hippies with my aluminum baseball bat to the music of Pagliacci playing on my car stereo system. Then I’m gonna go to confession, like all good Catholic boys.
Oh wait. Can’t tonight. It’s my turn to cook dinner.
I’m going to go up to San Francisco, go to city hall, and beat the crap out of the Board of Supervisors. Then I’ll mail each of them home in a matchbox.
If the Indians really wanted thier land, they would have fought harder…. pussies. We just wanted it more.
As for me, 1/4th of me is going to hide from you maiac white oppressors.
3/4s of me is going to hunt the other part down and slap myself silly untill I sign an unfair treaty with myself.
Didn’t make sense? Ok, then…..send me some beads and shiny stuff then, and you can friggin Keep Manhattan.
I’m going to do what I do every other day of the week… waste time playing on my intertubes instead of working.
I’m going to email Bill Richardson & remind him that he has about as much chance of being president as a one week dead shut-in, who is currently less bloated than he is.
I plan on parading around flashing my “bling” that poor people cannot afford. Proving my superiority by having more things makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, just like the strong drinks that my Indian friends like.
I’m going to take my grandsons to the woods to sit in a tree stand and hopefully see deer. We will not get a shot because the 3.5 year old keeps up a running commentary on everything. That’s okay. I will be angering liberals everywhere by exposing these boys to traditional sport. I will then give the 1 year old candy, try to take it back, and wonder why people think this is an easy thing to do.
Think I’ll clean the ‘ole fire sticks and down some fire water. Instituting forced labor among short, brown people…uh, I mean under-represented immigrants…is frowned upon here in Mur-a-land (unless you happen to be a contractor, a liberal in search of a good housekeeper, or Roy Rogers).
I’m gonna take a local Portugese family, give them money to finance a take over of a local Reservation, then claim it in my name. How’s THAT for commemoration?
Sorry oh great swami, but it takes a real eurocentric male chauvinst pig to celebrate Columbus Day on October 12th, which when we all celebrated Columbus Day until the forces of public “servants” who wanted 3-day weekends moved all special days to a convenient day of the week.
BTW, The old couplet you learned was “In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.” Your kids are learning, “In 1492, Columbus brought small-pox too.”
Maybe Fred Thompson in his majestic power can give us back Columbus Day, Lincoln’s Birthday and Washington’s Birthday. We would give up Black-
Civil-Rights-Leader-Whose-Accomplishments-
While-Not-Trivial-Have-Been-Made-
Into-A-Near-Religion Day.
I will be protesting this holiday by performing a tribute to the Gaia-friendly, peaceful native inhabitants of America.
First, to get some meat for my sandwich, I will drive an entire herd of cows over a cliff. Sure, most of the meat will spoil, but I’ll have my sandwich.
Then, I will declare war on my neighbors, kill a few, and take most of them as slaves. Slavery is good as long as you’re not a White Male Oppressor.
I’m just gonna sit back and imagine what it might have been like if the Vikings, Eskimos, Egyptians or Polynesians had also discovered the Americas instead. Oh…
I think I’ll go to my fetid slums and collect rents. AGAIN!
going to the native american rest home and playing Texas holdem with the alzheimers patients.
Reminding the American Indian whiners that Cortes could have landed a little further North…
I celebrated White Male Oppressor day by going to work and exercising my oligarchic hegemony to oppress the mathematically-challenged by devaluing their authentic mathematical experiences.
See, I knew that minor in sociology would come in handy!