About eighty different people have e-mailed me about how monkeys are sexually harassing women in Kenya.
Let’s think about this: Is there any natural or evolutionary reason that would lead monkeys to make rude and suggestive gestures to women? Of course not. The only explanation is that their is nothing but evil in their hearts and each day they put their monkey brains to no other task than how to spread evil. They climb trees so as to better look out and see where misery can be sown. They do not have the ability yet to kill us (though, I assure you, they are working on it), so they settle for harassing us.
For now.
This is what happens in countries that don’t have the same guaranteed Second Amendment freedoms we have in the U.S. See how many monkeys feel lucky if they have to keep track of how many shots have been fired from a .44 Magnum. I think we’d be seeing a lot of zoo volunteers, instead of screeching simian punks…
So do we take this as proof of Darwin’s Theory of Evolution? Or are monkey’s de-evolving?
Hmmmm…I’m wondering…when was the last time Bill Clinton was in Kenya? Monkeys are pretty well known for being mimics.
They’re not raping the women, so we know that they aren’t U.N. peacekeepers….
Yah, the monkees may be evil, but you can put them under your hat and fly all over with them.
Oh come on, those women want to be harrassed by monkeys. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t keep finding excuses to walk by them.
Are you sure they’re monkeys? They might be college students…or members of the Minnesota Vikings.
I’m thinking if these monkeys are members of a football team there are other ones to pick from. The Oakland Raiders come to mind as do the Cleveland Browns. They both seem to go through the wanted posters at the Post Office to fill the team roster.
Thankfully there is still hope for those helpless women haplessly harangued and harrassed by maurauding mobs of menancing monkeys.
New Scientific Monkey Related Study
Frank,
You’re a famous blogger on the World Wide Web. Do you know someone ( or know someone who knows someone ) who can get “Monkey Squad” turned into a TV show? That would rock butt.
My debate team is doing research on Africa this week, and we all had a good laugh when we came across this. Perhaps we’ll form a plan to kill the monkeys.
At least the people of this town aren’t plagued by the American equivalent. Stupid monkey-faced liberals who mock and harass the dignity of our nation.
My theory – the monkeys are muslim, and the Kenyan women are like uncovered meat to them.
It is a fact – according to an Australian imam – that muslim men cannot control themselves when faced with a woman not wearing a bukha. They’re like cats attacking ‘uncovered meat’.
Also, I think they’re just biding their time until Cornelius and Zira arrive from the future and begin to breed with them, so they can establish the Planet of the Apes, as predicted in the koran.
It’s a little known fact that monkeys only climb trees so they can look down the fronts of women’s dresses.
I agree that these scoundrels are being led by an evil force and I would investigate either the NFL or the NBA to start with…