Looks like Johnny picked up some endorsements from several state chapter of the Service Employees International Union (SEIU).
Which kinda makes sense, because these are mainly hospital workers and janitors. Figure that if Edwards got elected, there’d be a lot more call for these jobs, since – with the increase in domestic terror attacks that would inevitably take place with Captain Spaghetti Spine in power – there’d be oodles of wounded flooding the hospitals, plus all the gallons of blood that would need to be cleaned up from the walls and floors of shopping malls across the country.
There are also rumors that Edwards will soon be picking up other endorsements:
Hasbro – Edwards promises to do for My Little Pony what Reagan did for Jelly Belly jelly beans.
Hairdressers – You’ll see signs in beauty shops all across America, “get your Super-Silky Johnny-Do Here”.
Aquaman – Finally, a President who couldn’t kick his ass.
Maybelline – Reciprocal endorsement
Toilet seat manufacturers – Edwards will make sitzpinkling trendy.
Columbia Records – they own Streisand’s music library, which will be played non-stop on the White House sound system.
M.I.T. – They’ll be getting a HUGE research grant to discover a fabric softener powerful enough to make a towel not leave scratch marks all over Johnny’s tender tushie.
Whiffle Ball, Inc. – Let’s face it, Edwards is going to have to outlaw baseball so that he won’t have to embarrass himself trying to throw out any first pitches.
The Village People – Mostly for the hush money payments they’ll get to keep that old video off YouTube. You know… that early, NC-17 rated version of “Macho Man” they made before Edwards’s pantsless “Trial Lawyer” character was replaced by the Indian Chief.
And, of course, Helen Reddy:
Let me know if you hear of any other Edwards endorsers.
Any type of ‘hired muscle’ errr… ‘Gentlemen’s social business club’ – The Clintons will have to get rid of the disinters that cost them the election.
Hostess – those fluffy pink desserts will become the official dessert of the White House
The Warren Beatty “Shampoo” fanclub.
Other predictions for a John Edwards presidency:
* Male use of the words “tinkle”, “sissy”, “little Johnny” and “weiner” will become hate crimes.
* Major League Baseball will be coed and played from a tee.
* The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man will become a national hero.
* The Pansy will become our national flower.
* Hair care company stocks will soar worldwide.
* The service sector of our economy will become the “grooming sector.” Illegal aliens will fill most of those jobs and become rich.
bigbro notes: John Edwards. White male candidate. Doesn’t play basketball. Never had menopause or a bad time of month. Wait a minute! You sure he’s not a Republican?
And I want to know: Has Hillary gone through the change yet? And if not, if she’s on pamprin during a nuclear attack, is someone prepared to step in to take care of America’s business?
And, if elected, will Barack’s secret service escort be all black? Will Hillary’s be all women?
fred call aka bigbro
Good God! …after seeing that vid, I don’t believe that even Helen Keller International could blindly endorse/support this fop.
Being the douchebag that he is, Summer’s Eve is a natural. He could probably work out something with Sue Bee Honey too…
Summer’s Eve not only receives a Haliburton-sized government contract, but is nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize because it’s just so darn tough to appease everyone when your having one of those ‘not so fresh days’.
Side note: Carter, Kofi, and Al are seen throwing their peace prizes onto the Whitehouse lawn in protest of a bigger douche joining their ranks.