If you even attempt to question Fred Thompson’s patriotism, you will die instantly.
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And rightfully so. “So Mote it Be.”
I heard “somewhere” that Hillary was the only candidate to be mentioned in the Book of Revelation.
Isn’t Fred in Genesis?
(With apologies to PJM)
A spoon that Thompson ate from can heal cataracts and glaucoma.
A fork that Thompson ate from can slay a vampire with one stab.
A chair that Thompson sat on gets promoted to the rank of Major General.
When Thompson was little, he broke a cup. The spilled water turned into oceans and the splinters became continents.
Thompson’s dog saved the world at least four times.
A combination of Thompson’s fingerprints reveals the Great Seal of the American Republic.
Thompson can scratch his own heel without bending over.
Shirts worn by Thompson are sent to a secret military facility and converted to the strongest layer of armor for American tanks.
Socks worn by Thompson are routinely dropped on Afghan rebels.
Thompson’s used tissues become the property of the Department of the Interios and their content is classified.
In the movies, Thompson’s part is usually played by his twin brother Chuck Norris.
Thompson can power up a microphone with his stare and shut down the Windows Media Player with his voice.
Thompson can find out your home address just by looking at your comment on any website.
Thompson can browse the Internet with a pocket calculator.
When Thompson’s name is typed, the first letter capitalizes itself.
By squinting his eye Thompson can read and write multimedia DVDs.
Thompson’s stare has downed 15 Russian satellites spying over the White House.
Thompson’s stare penetrates a ten foot lead wall and brings a kettle to a boil within 10 seconds from three miles away. For public safety he must wear special contact lenses at all times.
Afghan rebels blow themselves up when they hear Thompson’s true name.
Saying Thompson’s name repeatedly contributes to the common good in the universe.
Thompson inhales carbon dioxide and exhales oxygen, ensuring the continuation of life on the planet.
Thompson doesn’t poop.
Inside Thompson’s nostrils grow miniature flowers pollinated by miniature bees.
Thompson’s love for humankind heats up the planet by 2.35 degrees annually – a phenomenon also known as the Global Warming.
Thompson appeared in Thomas Edison’s dream and revealed how to live in harmony with the Universe. But all Edison could remember in the morning was how to make the light bulb.
When Thompson drives a vehicle, its engine gains 1,000 horsepower.
Thompson doesn’t need a mattress; he levitates in his sleep at an average citizen’s eye level.
Once a month the full moon howls at Thompson.
Thompson helps the American economy by filling the Earth with oil from his personal reserves.
Thompson knows every American citizen’s name, address, and phone number. If you say a dirty word, Thompson will call you in the evening to reprimand.
When Thompson is sad, the national suicide statistics go up.
When Thompson smiles, a child is born in America. If the smile is wider than usual, expect twins.
If a sunbeam shines beautifully through the clouds, Thompson is nearby.
If you shake hands with Thompson you will be taken to heaven alive.
If you hate Thompson you may die early through your own fault.
Bah! Those Putin leftovers are but poor comparisons to the Fred Thompson facts. I just left a link to the Fred Thompson Fact catalog in the comments over at PJM.
Well, at least I attributed.
And, oh, I don’t know, I kind of like this: “When Thompson smiles, a child is born in America. If the smile is wider than usual, expect twins.”
Shows the human side of the man
And rightfully so. “So Mote it Be.”
I heard “somewhere” that Hillary was the only candidate to be mentioned in the Book of Revelation.
Isn’t Fred in Genesis?
(With apologies to PJM)
A spoon that Thompson ate from can heal cataracts and glaucoma.
A fork that Thompson ate from can slay a vampire with one stab.
A chair that Thompson sat on gets promoted to the rank of Major General.
When Thompson was little, he broke a cup. The spilled water turned into oceans and the splinters became continents.
Thompson’s dog saved the world at least four times.
A combination of Thompson’s fingerprints reveals the Great Seal of the American Republic.
Thompson can scratch his own heel without bending over.
Shirts worn by Thompson are sent to a secret military facility and converted to the strongest layer of armor for American tanks.
Socks worn by Thompson are routinely dropped on Afghan rebels.
Thompson’s used tissues become the property of the Department of the Interios and their content is classified.
In the movies, Thompson’s part is usually played by his twin brother Chuck Norris.
Thompson can power up a microphone with his stare and shut down the Windows Media Player with his voice.
Thompson can find out your home address just by looking at your comment on any website.
Thompson can browse the Internet with a pocket calculator.
When Thompson’s name is typed, the first letter capitalizes itself.
By squinting his eye Thompson can read and write multimedia DVDs.
Thompson’s stare has downed 15 Russian satellites spying over the White House.
Thompson’s stare penetrates a ten foot lead wall and brings a kettle to a boil within 10 seconds from three miles away. For public safety he must wear special contact lenses at all times.
Afghan rebels blow themselves up when they hear Thompson’s true name.
Saying Thompson’s name repeatedly contributes to the common good in the universe.
Thompson inhales carbon dioxide and exhales oxygen, ensuring the continuation of life on the planet.
Thompson doesn’t poop.
Inside Thompson’s nostrils grow miniature flowers pollinated by miniature bees.
Thompson’s love for humankind heats up the planet by 2.35 degrees annually – a phenomenon also known as the Global Warming.
Thompson appeared in Thomas Edison’s dream and revealed how to live in harmony with the Universe. But all Edison could remember in the morning was how to make the light bulb.
When Thompson drives a vehicle, its engine gains 1,000 horsepower.
Thompson doesn’t need a mattress; he levitates in his sleep at an average citizen’s eye level.
Once a month the full moon howls at Thompson.
Thompson helps the American economy by filling the Earth with oil from his personal reserves.
Thompson knows every American citizen’s name, address, and phone number. If you say a dirty word, Thompson will call you in the evening to reprimand.
When Thompson is sad, the national suicide statistics go up.
When Thompson smiles, a child is born in America. If the smile is wider than usual, expect twins.
If a sunbeam shines beautifully through the clouds, Thompson is nearby.
If you shake hands with Thompson you will be taken to heaven alive.
If you hate Thompson you may die early through your own fault.
Bah! Those Putin leftovers are but poor comparisons to the Fred Thompson facts. I just left a link to the Fred Thompson Fact catalog in the comments over at PJM.
Well, at least I attributed.
And, oh, I don’t know, I kind of like this: “When Thompson smiles, a child is born in America. If the smile is wider than usual, expect twins.”
Shows the human side of the man