If Hillary Clinton supporters are going door to door in your neighborhood, just mark your doorpost with lamb’s blood and they’ll not bother you.
Archive of entries posted on October 2007
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
John Edwards says it hurts his mouth to eat Cap’n Crunch.
Not the cereal.
Bonus Fact from Jim:
John Edwards is NOT gay…but he does play one on TV.
I’m Back, Foo!
The whole point of me telling you all the I’m going to be gone is so you know not to visit the site until I’m back. Instead there was more than twice our normal traffic while I was gone. See, this is why I hate you guys.
Anyway, apparently the site has been taken over by flameaphobia while I was gone. Before things get too out of hand, I want you people to realize that it’s a very small percentage of fire that burns down homes, and fire has just as much potential for peace as any other chemical reaction.
I should mention I’ve really been enjoying Michael Z. Williamson’s Better to Beg Forgiveness… I didn’t have as much time to read as I though, so I only got a little over half way through, but it will be worth writing a review when I finish because it just keeps getting more and more tense with each chapter. I’ll definitely want to get a copy for my brother to see what he thinks of it as a Marine. It’s quite topical, as while contractors from Blackwater are trying to help keep peace in Iraq while being assailed from the media, in the novel contractors (mercenaries) from Ripple Creek are trying to protect a president on a very volatile planet (it’s kinda like if a whole planet was like the worst country in Africa) while being assailed by the media. MoveOn actually makes an appearance in what does seem the logical progression for them in the future. You can check out the first nine chapters here. Now I have to find how I can get sent more milSciFi novels instead of just free political books.
I’ll get back to my regular blogging on Monday. I actually had inspiration for an In My World™ for the first time in a while, but of course it was while I didn’t have time or easy access to the internet. My muse has been a bitch lately. If it’s still topical, I’ll put it up on Monday. I’m sure Harvey will have something more clever, though, which most people will assume I wrote.
One last thing, dissing SarahK, my wife, is not cool. Any more of that, and I not only ban you, I hunt you down and stick a fork in your eye (my choice of which eye but you can choose the fork). Let’s all learn to be nice to each other, because IMAO is all about respect for other people. That’s what IMAO stands for: Iespect Mor Ather Oeople.
Be honorable, ronin.
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
John Edwards’s career as a mime nearly ended in tragedy when he spent three days without food or water, fruitlessly trying to escape from his invisible box.
Bonus Fact from Jim:
Rejected John Edwards campaign slogans:
“FAAAAAAAAABULOUS!”
“All this, and brains too”
“Better hair than that Korean guy.”
Senator Biden Calls Black People Stupid: Gets Nominated For Nobel Prize
Senator Joseph Biden, a Democratic candidate for the presidency, was nominated to the Nobel Peace prize after implying that black people were stupid. Senator Biden, when asked why Washington schools were doing so badly,
attempted to explain why some schools perform better than others — in Iowa, for instance, compared with the District. “There’s less than 1 percent of the population of Iowa that is African American. There is probably less than 4 or 5 percent that are minorities. What is in Washington? So look, it goes back to what you start off with, what you’re dealing with,”
Staffers immediately offered that Biden was not saying that black people were stupid. “We feel he was talking abut how important Iowa is, not only to the elections and the economy, but to the overall health of the education system.”
The Nobel Prize Committee immediately went into conference to see if maybe they could reward these brave comments. Said one member, speaking off the record, “We’ve gone into conference about this and feel that he would make an excellent Nobel recipient. It might help his application if he made a movie about global warming like Al Gore, or if he hated Israel like Jimmy Carter, but we can look at his application on own merits. It would also help if he was black, since many times we do have a quota to fill.”
Senator Biden insists that he is not racist. “I have several black friends, and not once have any of them robbed me.”
(Hat Tip: Betsy’s Page)
Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths
Well… I Suppose if They’re Barefoot & Pregnant, We Could Let Them Work in the Kitchen…
The perpetually-offended quota mongers are at it again. This time the complaint is that Republicans have too few Gynecologically-Examined-Americans (or whatever the hell the PC term for “women” is these days) as senior members of their campaign staffs.
[Grammatical aside: shouldn’t that be “staves”?]
Anyway, I speculate thusly upon the reasons why this might be so:
- Broads are always too busy gossiping about “Desperate Housewives” to get any damn work done. Why hire them?
- Republicans may have fewer women, but they’re WAY hotter.
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- Quality Conservative women too busy doing other things, like teaching their children the difference between right & wrong.
- The Republican women who were going to be hired never showed up for their interviews because their tires were slashed by Democrats.
- Any time a Republican man says “I want this woman on my staff”, he gets sued for sexual harrassment.
- Republican women refuse to take the pay cut or scale back on their precious shooting range time.
- Any woman worth having on a campaign is already in Iraq killing terrorists, where women belong.
- Republican men are still acclimating to this whole “women’s suffrage” thing. Don’t be pushy.
- There’s only one Ann Coulter, and what other woman could you possibly want to hire?
- Well, there IS that one… but she’s already working as a t-shirt babe for some Florida-based conservative humor blog.
- Because statistically speaking, there were more men in the pool of qualified applicants. What sort of bottom-line-ignoring moron would hire a candidate on criteria unrelated to potential for job performance?
- Oh.
Any other reasons that I might have overlooked?
Something Fishy About Ron Paul
It’s a well established fact Ron Paul can perform literal acts of magic that wow and woo his avid/rabid followers. His supporters, By and Large, (their actual names) have sworn to give their very lives at his command. They both work tirelessly to spread the troof about the wonderland a Ron Paul led free world would be. They also adjust internet polls to correct for the silent majority.
Ah, the crisp smell of a freshly restored U.S. Constitution is quite an enticing idea. We all bicker about those idiotic amendments and the Bill of rights anyway. They weren’t in the original document so they really have tainted the Republic. Any present day Thomas Jefferson would tell you that.
That’s not what’s got me bothered. It’s his voice. With every sentence he speaks the pitch rises. For a 2 minute debate answer it doesn’t get too terribly painful. But can you imagine what would happen towards the end of a State Of The Union address? Don’t bother, I can. T.V. tubes shattering, dogs howling in pain, vermin of all sorts running for their lives, eardrums bursting, bridges failing, the crust of the earth cracking in half. Is it worth it to destroy the planet, just to save the Republic? That’s a question we’ll need to answer.
Plus he was a gynecologist, which doesn’t necessarily make him a pervert, but it’s not so easy to wash your hands of that sort of activity. I’d like to think that the era of a having a resident of the White House who has been up close and personal with hundreds of hoohoos, chichis or whatever the technical term is, ended when Hillary moved out.
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
Rock & Roll trivia: a young John Edwards had a cameo in the Dire Straits “Money for Nothing” video (about the 1:50 mark), during the line “the little faggot with the earring and the makeup”.
Bonus Fact from Silicon Valley Jim:
John Edwards is having a hard time deciding on his Hallowe’en costume – Wonder Woman, Snow White, Liberace, a ballerina… they just all seem so… butch.
America Can’t Win the "War On Fire"
An Editorial by Harvey
After the all of endless days of the California fire quagmire, it’s time for America to admit that it can’t win this battle. We must immediately withdraw our forces and go home. But until our so-called “leaders” in Washington wise up to the folly of their current course, all we can do is ask ourselves, “why does fire hate us?”.
The roots go deep.
“it’s no wonder fire hates us. We’ve been demonizing it ever since the first cinematic Frankenstein monster said ‘Fire bad!’.”
In the 12th century, when Europe was suffering through it’s Dark Ages, fire was the most enlightened thing on the planet. It provided warmth and illumination to those who were wise in its ways. Truly it was the engine of civilization.
Fire has never forgotten this, though apparently WE have, and our ingratitude to our betters galls them.
We think ourselves so sophisticated with our electricity and our central heating, but if fire hadn’t paved the way for us, we’d be lost.
We offend fire by occupying the holy lands of burnable, burnable forests with our “fireless” nuclear power plants, claiming that we are “better than mere flames”. We laugh at fire’s “primitiveness” and “simplicity”.
Well, apparently fire is stronger than we think, as it continues to prove itself unstoppable despite our recent surge of extinguishing agents. Water, and by extension America, is no match for such a primal force.
How foolish fighting fire is. And what a waste of resources in a country where there are children without health insurance.
And it’s no wonder fire hates us. We’ve been demonizing it ever since the first cinematic Frankenstein monster said “Fire bad!”. We tell our children not to play with matches or they’ll wet the bed. We won’t even allow lighters on airline flights! Even before the fire is made, it’s assumed to be evil by its very nature. Plus we only allow fire the most menial of jobs in this country – barbecues, fireplaces, scented candles – is it any wonder that fire resents us so deeply?
I, for one, don’t blame it. And I am ashamed to be an American.
Of course, even though I understand fire’s anger, I certainly don’t think violence is the answer. Naturally, like all decent people, I don’t approve of fires raging through California. Still, I think we should at least consider containment as an option, rather than direct confrontation. Give fire a certain area of land to live as it pleases, and only react if it takes the initiative to cross borders. At that point, we should definitely consider economic sanctions.
I believe in co-existence. I think we can get along peaceably with fire if we just set our pride aside and give it some of what it wants.
After all, it’s not called “the combustion of peace” for nothing.
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Genocide: Smokey the Bear’s Brutal Crusade Against Fire” and “Heat + Fuel + Oxygen = Fun!”.