Some are not liking the name of the GOP’s bill for repealing Obamacare – the Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act. They think it’s too offensive or something. I don’t get that, as it’s only offensive at people who like Obamacare and those people stupid. Still, I think some of the alternative names may be a little over the line.

ALTERNATE NAMES FOR REPEALING THE JOB-KILLING HEALTH CARE LAW ACT

* Slowly Strangle Obamacare Until You See Its Desperate Last Breath and Laugh Act

* Beat Up Liberal Politicians and Step on Their Necks and Also Repeal the Health Care Law Act

* Pretend Obamacare Is a Politician and Assassinate It Act

* Repealing the Job-Molesting Health Care Law Act

* Set Fire to Obamacare and Let It Run Around Screaming While Liberals Are Unable to Help It Act

* Shoot Down Obamacare in Cold Blood and Then Plant a Gun on It and Say We Saw It Threatening Jobs Act

* Put Obamacare in Some Elaborate Death Trap Like from the Movie Saw and Film It as It Dies Act

* Repealing the Health Care Law Democrats Passed Because They Hate America and Are Worse Than Terrorists Act

Here is a new author you can not pay attention to the byline of and mistake me for. -Ed.

I find the relative silence about the homicide of John Wheeler interesting (relax, I’m not a conspiracy theorist). When Michael Jackson, a popular singer, died, TV programs were interrupted with the breaking news and for a long time you couldn’t escape hearing about it unless you lived under a rock in a desolate waste and wore ear plugs, ear muffs, and a sleep mask over your eyes. When John Wheeler, a defense expert, former presidential aide who also happened to be in a dispute with a neighbor, turns up dead in a landfill (apparently with some assistance getting dead and into the garbage truck), it gets relegated to a brief blurb in the evening news. When Michael Jackson died, we got updates that there were no updates (frankly, if they don’t know anything, I wish they would shut up, not blather on ad nauseum about nothing, and return me to my regularly scheduled programming). I haven’t seen any updates about John Wheeler. Someone who pranced around in sequins got treated with all the pomp and ceremony of royalty; a long time high level public servant gets thrown out with trash. So, if you want recognition and respect, don’t do anything significant like serving your country and keeping it as safe as possible. For recognition and respect, learn how to sing and dance suggestively, live like a perverted drug addicted lunatic, and die young.

Reader Otto sent this in:

You can prohibit hippies? How come Malaysia figured this out and not us? Do you think it would work, or would we just be awash in illegal hippies to the point I’d wear out my punching fist?

Oh, I guess the Constitution might stop us from prohibiting hippies. Guess we can just add an amendment: “None of these rights shall be construed as applying towards hippies.”

Do you remember caring about liberals in the aftermath of 9/11? I don’t; too angry at terrorists to worry about some nonsense argument with fellow Americans. Very few people retreated to politics when faced with such a tragedy. I only remember a couple examples like Michael Moore who wondered why the terrorists didn’t a pick a place they could kill Republicans, but it was a break from politics on both sides for a while. Well, week or two.

Now with the shooting in Tuscon, it was mere minutes before people were trying to make it political. Of course, in this instance, the right would have gladly left politics out but many on the left thought they saw blood in the water and immediately went into a frenzy. I’m starting to wonder if 9/11 set the bar – if anything is not as tragic as that, then we can immediately retreat to our politics. Like if terrorists blow up a bus, we’ll be in full political bickering while the victims are still being identified.

Anyway, this last week wore on me. It shouldn’t be part of regular discourse having to assure people you’re not responsible for murder. I can’t believe how many media outlets actually went along with that absolute paranoid nonsense. Do you even have to point out the irony of whining about discourse while making bad faiths accusations of murder against your political opponents? Only good thing is there is no indication the left is influential to any one other than themselves these days, so I guess we could just ignore them. Of course, then they might go crazy and hurt people to get attention.

Oh. Too late.

There are lots of laws making sure Paul Krugman can’t get a gun, right?

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Why was there a motto at a memorial service? That’s just weird.

And even if you DO have a motto at a memorial service, why would it be “together we thrive”?

I’m thinking “together we remember” would’ve been acceptable for the event, if it absolutely HAD to have a motto – it has an air of comfort for the living and grieving for the lost.

But “thrive”? WTF?

I checked Webster’s, and now I get it.

See, I was thinking of thrive as def. 1 or 2:

1: to grow vigorously : flourish
2: to gain in wealth or possessions : prosper

I forgot about 3:

3: to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances — often used with on

So, what do you suppose that goal is?

Other than, perhaps, slouching toward Bethlehem to be born.

Just the first thing that popped into my head.

[Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest]

And, as it happened, she found more tacky…

So far, the response to me announcing that IMAO is now 4G has been awesome. Often, I’m hearing this, “Wow! Am I excited about the new 4G IMAO! I can hardly think of all the possibilities! Still, I’m a bit curious on exactly what this means for me.”

Well, I’ll tell you what it means. It means IMAO is more advanced and more infused with… advancedness. So you should be excited. Thrilled even. Maybe a little aroused.

It also means a minor price adjustment, as you will see a slight doubling of the cost of IMAO on your next monthly bill. But remember, in exchange you’ll be getting three times* the performance out of IMAO.

4G IMAO. It’s the way of the future. But here now. And at IMAO.

* 2.73 times rounded up.

A scientist is saying that in the next four years he thinks he’ll be able to resurrect the woolly mammoth. And how will he do this? With Science!

A woolly mammoth is just like an African elephant but bigger and covered in hair, so this is great news for people whose main complaint about the African elephant was that it’s not big enough and not fluffy enough. But for those of us hoping scientists bring back the dinosaurs so they could be mounted with rocket launchers, this seems like it could be good news. If we resurrect woolly mammoths, could dinosaurs be far behind? Well, yes, since we don’t have frozen remains of them. I guess they could resurrect a dodo bird next, which if you’re being really technical would be resurrecting a dinosaur though no one would really count that because it’s too small for rocket launchers. I guess in the meantime we could mount rocket launchers on the woolly mammoth, but every time they’d launch they’d burn its hair and it would smell awful.

Still, exciting! Science!

Politico has uncovered that it’s possible that when Sarah Palin used the phrase “blood libel”, it may have been a secret message — a dog whistle — to conservative Christians. This is according to “some” who did “say” it. Of course, it’s completely impossible for a Politico employee (who “some say” are journalists) to actually talk to one of the tens of millions of conservative Christians, so the only thing left to do is rampant, paranoid speculation!

So what could be the secret coded message Palin was sending out? Some say these are the possibilities:

* Bring me the beard of Paul Krugman!

* I like turtles.

* Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.

* 10 Palin Points to anyone who murders a hobo.

* RON PAUL!

* There are free bagels and coffee in the break room.

* I think Kos sent me an obscene picture of his private parts, but my phone wasn’t able to zoom enough to see them clearly.

* I will put my next orders to kill in a children’s book instead of a map.

* Watch Sarah Palin’s Alaska Sunday nights on TLC.

* I kinda get the feeling the backup job for most journalists wasn’t nuclear physicist.

Most people think if there is intelligent life out there that’s learned to space travel, it will be nice like we are and want to be our friends and touch us with light-up fingers. Science! says otherwise. According to Science!, any other life out there most likely wants to destroy us for our resources like oil and gold and nacho cheese. That’s because according to evolution, it’s predators that get all the intelligence. And you know what predators do? That’s right: Predatate!

So why don’t we have space lasers yet? Space lasers, of course, are lasers in space. They are useful for all sorts of things involving space and lasers. Now, I was thinking they’d be fun for shooting terrorist because if a terrorists is just standing there and suddenly — out of nowhere — gets shot by a laser from space, that’s pretty funny. But what about aliens? Now, where do aliens come from? That’s right: Space! And Mexico — but not in the context we’re talking about right now. And what would be good for shooting things in space? That’s right: A space laser as it’s already in space and is a laser!

So one day, aliens will come by and broadcast to us, “We come in peace. We wish to–” And we’ll be like, “You won’t get our gold, alien space predators! Initiate laser death!” And then Pew! Pew! Pew! Our space lasers destroy all the alien ships. And Science! saves the day once again.