Troops like blowing innocent people’s heads off, Bush likes to see the troops get their heads blown off and everyone’s happy… so says the Democrats.
It’s serious dialog like this that keeps the Democrat Congress half as popular as Nazis.

Canadian researchers have “strong proof” there is water on Mars.
I thought we already knew that? I mean, there’s two friggin’ ice caps on the planet. What do you think makes those up? I’m guessing “ice,” which, if I remember correctly from AP chemistry, is water in solid form.
Stupid Canucks. You let them build a robot arm for one shuttle and suddenly they all they’re all space explorers.

Ladies and Gentlemen, sometimes in life a perfect opportunity presents itself. An opportunity for growth. For spritual development. An opportunity to take your awareness and soul to another level.
That opportunity is today.
No, wait. It was yesterday. Sorry you missed it.
However you still have yet another opportunity: The opportunity to help us change the way language is used.
You’ve heard these expresssions: Wasted. S#faced, Gone, Three Sheets to the Wind, tanked.
Now it’s time to add yet another way of telling the world you that you were so drunk you needed to throw yourself on the sidewalk just to make sure you knew which way was down. (Hint: It was down.)
Yes, the new expression shall be – “Attacked by Conservatives.”
This will forever change the way we read articles.
Example: Senator Ted Kennedy rested in his mansion yesterday by the side of the pool drinking tomato juice. He’s relaxing after a long week after being Attacked By Conservatives.
Or better yet,
Randi Rhodes, who is rumored to be on the radio with Air America (our sources are still trying to confirm its existence) left a bar yesterday. She was unable to make it to her show as she was Attacked By Conservatives.
Doesn’t this work on all fronts?
I think so.
Have a good safe weekend. Get lots of rest, eat healthful food, and don’t get too Attacked by Conservatives.

The otherwise-talented Gretchen Rubin points out at HuffPo that Monday was Blog Action Day, where dweeby toad-lickers & spotted-owl-worshippers polluted the internet with their whiny, self-absorbed suggestions for being more “green”.
Reading their mindless Gaia-slobberings really mellowed my harsh, and that just ain’t my scene, man.
Because I have a confession to make.

MY kind of environmentalism (and yes, they still use this logo).

I’m not green. I hate this freaking planet. Ever since I was a little kid, the precious environment has been trying to kill me.
Impossibly harsh winters; blazing, humid summers; fires, floods, earthquakes, meteors. Nature has it in for me, and I hate that bitch back with a vengeance.
So skip the green. Color me brown. The color of a dandelion a week after being doused with Round-Up.
Or maybe black. The color of fresh asphalt – which I dearly wish covered every square inch of Spaceship Earth. Except the oceans, of course.
Screw it. Pave those, too. What’s the point of living on a planet if there are some places you can’t drive or park?
Anyway, Gretchen has her little list of “seven tips for the pursuit of happiness with a green twist“. I’m just going to spray a little Round-Up on ’em because that’s how I pursue happiness.

1) Drive everywhere instead of walking – Drive to your next door neighbor’s house. Drive to your mailbox. Hell, drive from one end of your garage to the other. The only reason NOT to drive somewhere is because you’re out of gas, in which case you should have someone tow you to the gas station, and then drive home.
2) Buy only bottled water. If the bottle comes wrapped in plastic, so much the better. And check the bottom to make sure you don’t accidentally buy a recyclable container. When you’re finished with it, fill it with urine and throw it at a war protester.
3) Buy stuff. Lots of stuff. Preferrably stuff in disposable, non-biodegradable packaging. Have the cashier double… no, TRIPLE bag it. You’ll need the extra bags to carry your urine bottles, anyway. The point is, gratuitous consumption is what makes living in America infinitely better than living in some crappy second or third world country. Every living foreigner wishes they could strut into a Wal-Mart and MasterCard the entirety of aisle 6. Live the American Dream for them.
4) Don’t consider the cost of gas when you buy a car. Consider instead whether you know ANYONE who’s never been in an accident. Then consider the fact that people in small cars ALWAYS snag the short end of the stick in any incident of car-on-car violence. Then go buy yourself a big damn car.
5) Drive alone whenever possible. Passengers don’t care about your car because it’s not theirs. They will do things that diminish your driving pleasure, like fiddle with the radio, or adjust the temperature controls, or sing, or hum, or smoke, or fart. Statistically speaking, a passenger is 99.587% more likely to make the ride worse than better. Don’t have passengers. Carpooling in ANY form is a crime against your own humanity.
6) Make an effort to create enough litter so that snooty hybrid owners can feel smug & superior. Then pelt them with urine bottles.
7) Avoid gardening. If you really want to get your hands filthy, punch a hippy. It’s what Fred Thompson would do.

If you have any other “Pave the Planet” suggestions, feel free to drop them in the comments.

The thing about donations from the Chinese is that no matter how much you get, you’ll want more an hour later.

The bidding for the smear letter against Rush Limbaugh has gone past $2 million with only a few hours to go. The money will all go to a charity for Marines (and I think Rush has vowed to match the contribution), so the Democrats’ phony attempt to support the troops will end up actually supporting the troops. They’re going to gnash their teeth and stomp their feet over that one.

By now, I’m sure you’ve all seen the horrific video. A video of a poor gentleman gunned down by the Bullets Of Unfair Journalism while trying to drive away in his car. When something vicious like this happens we have to ask an important question: When Is It Appropriate to take Journalism into one’s own hands.
Rebecca Aguilar, as you may have seen, was the reporter who verbally assaulted a gentlemen whose only crime was self defense. It appears that twice, this gentleman was forced to shoot people who threatened his safety. Mrs. Aguilar took it upon herself to confront him and verbally berate him. You know what they call two sets of thugs who break into an old man’s place? Victims.
So Mrs. Aguilar really let him have it.
How could this happen? How does this “Free Speech Vigilante” just take this into her own hands? Some people just seem to always be half-cocked.
In the future I ask Mrs. Aguilar to consider the following questions before she brutally attacks an interviewee:
Did you call the police? Before that interviewee gets away, you should make sure you call the police. Sure, you only have a few seconds to react, but the important thing is that you have done the right thing. Sure, you’ll stand there as if feels like you’re surrounded by a gray haze, but remember, eventually you’ll see a light. Move towards the light! Move towards the light. It just might be the New York Times.
Are they really an interviewee? You might think you have a topic because of skin color. In short – you’re probably racist. There wouldn’t be a story there if you were hanging out with someone who looked just like you. Maybe there’s no story but you think there is because you believe in stereotypes. Think about that, huh?
Journalism only begets more journalism. As you see now, by taking this story into your own hands, what you’ve done is you’ve only created even more journalism. Now you’ve been suspended. Now everyone sees what a horrible bully you really are.
There is ink on your hands.
Are you happy?
Remember, nobody wins when you take journalism into your own hands, then the vicious cycle of journalism continues on and on.
And everyone loses.

John Hawkins has another survey of the right wing bloggers. There’s agreement on most issues, but one has a pretty even split.

David Copperfield is being investigated by the FBI. I’m very happy to hear that. I once went to once of his shows, and some really weird stuff went down there. At one point he cut himself in two and the bottom part walked on its own. Hopefully the FBI can get to the bottom of this.

Context

An seventy year old man is forced to kill twice in three weeks to defend himself (the police had been no help in the numerous times he had called them before about robberies). He was clearly within the law both times — as the police said — but of course a local new reporter decides he’s the villain and ambushes and reduces him to tears:

Now, Rebecca Aguilar has been suspended since this first aired, but how in the world did she watch this tape in the first place and not realize how horrible a person she appears to be? SarahK’s theory is her producer hates her and made her run the segment to try and get her suspended.
Hopefully all this publicity will at least convince criminals to stop trying to rob the poor guy.